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Comment By:  Broken on January 16, 2008 09:16:22 PM |
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Powerfull write, full of emotion that very few know first hand.
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Comment By:  Mahalarose on January 14, 2008 12:54:18 AM |
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This is extreemly sad. I don't know what it must be like to go through somthing as terrible as cancer, Sure some of my friends and family around me have it but I don't know how horrible it must be. I do know that you are strong though otherwise you wouldn't have written this and then shared it.
Take care
~Mahalarose
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| Comment By: b doneff on January 14, 2008 12:33:15 AM |
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Hmm, I was reading all of the comments after I read what you posted. I think that perhaps there were a few awkward lines in this, but it definitley held a melancholy overtone throughout, and a fear too, which is what I think the whole poem is about. What we face when we are thought to be dieing, or what we do face, is a traumatic event, and many who suffer feel alone in their delimna. Overall, a good write, but it could be a little bit better. Try choosing some different words to describe..maybe some metaphors? Might jazz it up a little..
Don't put that pen down yet! Keep it up, we allllll have room for improvement!
b
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| Comment By: Jolene on February 11, 2005 02:35:20 PM |
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I kind of agree with Valerie but not that its boring only because I don't agree with the concept I understand how 19 is too young to go but I don't think "no time left" is the proper way to face these things I think instead you should"appreciate time spent" and charish the little or lot of time we have left over still a nice poem tho. *~*~*JoJoe*~*~*
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| Comment By: Valerie on February 9, 2005 02:52:33 PM |
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i really like your poem but to be totally honest i wasn't real into it... It got boring after the 2nd line... you asked me to be honest so I was honest with you... construtive criticism...
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| Comment By: becca kelwaski on February 8, 2005 07:14:25 PM |
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wow, wonderful poem, very inspirational
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| Comment By: SavanahB on February 7, 2005 11:48:42 PM |
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Both sad and powerful, Alley! You ARE too young with too much in front of you to be faced with this kind of blow from life. I am praying the results come back negative and you will live to be as lod and cranky and I am! If this if a FICTIONAL poem (I hope), then you did it well enough to make me believe it! SavanahB
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| Comment By: Sandy J Hradil on February 7, 2005 11:43:10 PM |
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Hi Alley
I really like this poem! It has a very strong message and it tugs at the heart but not in a overbearing way. In my opinion thats the best way to write. I think we all have those silent killers that shouldnt have to be if only someone heard the silent screams. Excellent poem here!!
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| Comment By: Kym on February 7, 2005 09:55:51 PM |
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Hi and welcome! i really liked this. it was full of emotion and was very moving. for being a first-time poet, you did a great job. now, you didnt do anything wrong, but...if i were you i would put some commas and periods or used some enters to separate the lines or sentences. because it was kind of confusing where one ended and the other began. But good luck!
kYm
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| Comment By: rosa on February 6, 2005 01:12:46 PM |
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Hi, nice to meet you.I've gotten your e-mail and came right over to read your poem. You're not doing anything wrong you're poem is touching in a very sad way. I hope that you are not really dying but if your were I suppose you know that death in any case is something we'll all have to face one day that we're all headinng towards the same fatal end. It is good if you have faith as God seems to be a comforting thought for most people and love to seems to get people through almost anything, and I hope that you have both in your life if you were in the situation described above. cake
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| Comment By: IbeBecky on February 6, 2005 01:13:45 AM |
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This is a most power, emotional and sad write. However, I was delighted that you sent me a PM and sought me out. I'm here...I'm listening...let's create a beautiful legacy for Alley to leave for that man of hers!
~ Becky ~
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| Comment By: Joe McNinney on February 5, 2005 10:04:23 PM |
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if this is your reality now i am sorry,truly sorry.i had brain surgery on 11-7-03,and was given little chance to survive,i was only 31 at the time,also to young.im not religous so i didnt look to god,i just looked deep inside of myself ans strayed strong through the whole thing.i loke the poem,even though it is sad,welcome to the site,you will love it here.if you ever need to talk,i will listen,joe
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| Comment By: on February 5, 2005 08:56:03 PM |
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Omg, this poem is so sad, It's making me cry. Is this really true of you? This a poweful poem that really striked me.
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| Comment By: LindaM on February 5, 2005 08:20:21 PM |
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Alley, your poem has a sad helplessness
about it. I pray this is just a poem that
expresses how you think a person at 19 would
feel if they had cancer and not because you
are experiencing it yourself. Linda
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| Comment By: Matt on February 5, 2005 08:02:47 PM |
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it's way sad....
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| Comment By: Catryn on February 5, 2005 07:55:52 PM |
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wow.. emotional. Well written. Perfect. x
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| Comment By: Jennifer on February 5, 2005 07:40:42 PM |
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I agree with is said below... This is deep and really hits home. Keep on writng!!!
Jen
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| Comment By: Barbara Demasson on February 5, 2005 05:16:58 PM |
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"too young of 19 to go"...perhaps, "Nineteen is too young to die"
This is a sad lament Alley, I hope it is just creative exercise and not your reality.
Nicely expressed...touching!
~Barbara~
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