~MY DIET PLAN~ by Jillian K. Alexis

		Author Name: Jillian Alexis	11 Comments
		Date Added: August 16, 2005 17:08:18	Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Rants/Venting

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~MY DIET PLAN~

Well, I've held it in long enough, but I must let it all out. It's about my loving husband. Now, you would think that after 17 years together, he would remember something I've told him, wouldn't you? Not in his case, no sir. So, before I tell you what he did, he is up for grabs, if anyone wants a new husband. I should also mention that he is the best diet plan there is. This is the reason why. I'll begin 17 years ago, when I told him that to look at Maggots gross me out, and I can't eat for like 3 days if I see any. 17 years I've been telling him this, right? Okay, so yesterday, I'm on the computer, doing my Moderator stuff, you know, my daily routine. Well, he comes in the living room and says to me, in a really excited tone, "Oh honey, hurry up and get your' shoes on, there's something I have to show you". Okay, I thought, what in the world could it be? Maybe he bought a new car, maybe he had a surprise for me? Yea, he had a surprise all right. He then tells me, "Oh, just put my shoes on, they are easier to put on because they are big". What was he saying, that I was FAT? Well, did I ever appreciate that comment. Ok, so he takes me outside, and leads me to the woods by our house. I'm thinking, "There must be a really huge Gardner Snake in there", because I am the only one in the entire house who will catch them. Well, I got a surprise all right. He says to me, in a most excited tone, "Honey, I threw that leg of deer we had in the freezer downstairs, into the woods. Come here and look at it". Okay, how could this possibly be of any interest, what-so-ever to me? You have to know him to appreciate him though. Then, of all things, when I battle the briar bushes to get a look at it, he says to me, "Oh look honey, their must be a million maggots on it, and see, they have chewed so far down into the bone, there is foam coming out". Now, would someone please tell me, WHAT WAS HE THINKING? Needless to say, I stomped back into the house, kicked of his rather large shoes...which really just fell off my feet...and went to bed without any diner. Now, will someone tell me, what part of the sentence, "Maggots gross me out and I can't eat my dinner if I see any", doesn't he understand? I have one last thing to say. Does DENSE ring a bell here? So, if you want to lose a good 30 pounds, spend a month with my husband. I'll even throw in some money if you'll just get him away from me for even a day. Any offers? Well, I feel much better now, I just needed to vent. Thanks to all who listened.

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Comments:

	Comment By: Mary F. Charest on December 8, 2009 12:58:26 PM	Report
	LOL. I would be as mad as ^%$#. Go figure. Mary Respond To This Comment

	Comment By: alissa on December 27, 2007 03:57:47 AM	Report
	hahaha. my goodness thats terrible! i vote for some payback!!!! Respond To This Comment

	Comment By: Karen Marrah on August 25, 2005 10:11:34 AM	Report
	Wow....I couldn't stop laughing....Sorry.... Sometimes you just have to wonder about men and how they think...LOL Respond To This Comment

	Comment By: Karen Marrah on August 25, 2005 10:09:28 AM	Report
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	Comment By: Cynthia Jones on August 20, 2005 07:46:13 PM	Report
	OMG I don't know whether to laugh, or feel angry. Nope. Not going to laugh. That was sick. Jill, go kick his ass. S Wind Whisperer Respond To This Comment

	Comment By: Sharon Jorcil James on August 19, 2005 03:18:03 PM	Report
	I can't imagine what he was thinking..... I abhor maggots or anything that crawls for that matter! Very, very funny Jilly. Great venting as well!! Sharon JJ Respond To This Comment

	Comment By: Roger Bacon on August 18, 2005 10:40:20 AM	Report
	I have to agree with you. Maggots are the worst. Funny, funny write. Respond To This Comment

	Comment By: Destiny4 on August 17, 2005 07:31:47 PM	Report
	Oh my!! Men just don't seem to get it do they? HAHAHAHA WHat a fabulously hilarious write. My sides hurt. Oh Jill this is so funny. Respond To This Comment

	Comment By: Alison Storm Wolf on August 17, 2005 11:11:37 AM	Report
	Oh me! Sore from laughing... Look lets just get one thing straight! Men are simple creatures...They do not have much memory and even less common sense or diplomacy. Find out what really really grosses him out then return the favour!!! hehehe (sly smirk)....BTW This would win an award or be published so I would send it off if I were you. Now, as a matter of fact I AM looking for a man....but I would prefer one that is not predisposed to loving maggots. Will get back to you in due course should the position change, Ali maggot hater x Respond To This Comment

	Comment By: Samantha Firefly on August 17, 2005 05:46:33 AM	Report
	LOL! Very good and witty rant, Mom. Samantha. Respond To This Comment

	Comment By: Jamie on August 16, 2005 05:41:36 PM	Report
	wow, kewl write." Darkness Respond To This Comment