"There he is!" someone shouts. "Come out here, Doctor! We know what you've been up to!"
Egad stands on his tip-toes to peer out through the glass. His bushy eyebrows raise in alarm. "Egad doesn't likes the looks 'a this, 'e doesn't! Egad thinks trouble's brewin'...trouble, Guv!"
Just then, a stone crashes through the window pane, scattering broken glass all over the floor. The doctor puts his hand on his trembling servant's shoulder. "Trouble is what we have, I fear," he sighs.
The faces of the peasants are bathed in fury. "You've been doin' the devil's work, Doctor Frankenbob!" the leader of the mob cries out. "Come out here and face us! No use denyin' it! We saw them opened graves! Somebody's gotta pay!" There is a general rumbling of the mob's agreement.
The shivering dwarf is now cowering behind Maggie's skirts. "They's goin' ta kill Egad, they is!" he laments. "They knows Egad's been at them graves! Egad doesn't wants ta die, 'e doesn't!"
Frankenbob makes eye contact with Elpyra. He then gives Egad a comforting pat on his deformed shoulder. "There is nothing to worry about, my friend," he lies. "I will go out there and talk to them. No-one is going to die this fine morning!"
"Doc," Elpyra says, taking Frankenbob's arm. "This ain't the first unruly mob I've seen in my life. These yokels don't scare me...Let's just go outside and find out what they want, shall we?"
The doctor looks to Elpyra with open respect. "I suspect, dear lady, there is not much that does frighten you."
The doctor crosses to the expansive foyer, with Elpyra at his side. He slowly opens the door. They step into the cold morning air to face the agitated throng. Frankenbob counts twenty angry peasants.
"What is the meaning of this intrusion into my privacy?" Frankenbob demands.
A paunchy farmer in a wool hat steps forward. He points an accusing finger at Frankenbob. "We've seen the graves of them fancy ladies, Doctor! Someone's been at 'em and covered 'em back up! We dug up the graves and found them women all hacked up! Your father was up to the same foul mischief...We aim to get to the bottom of it!" the man glowers
The doctor knows the truth will not serve him well, since he is aware the ignorant have always feared the progress of science. He raises his hands, attempting to calm them.
"Gentlemen," he begins, "I know nothing of this matter! Some wandering lunatic must be responsible for these terrible acts! I promise you, I have not left this castle in a month's time!"
"And what of that little monster who does your bidding?" comes a voice from the back. "He's been sighted skulkin' about the graveyard!"
"I will vouch for Egad's innocence!" the doctor shouts.
The leader of the group looks around to his friends. "Let's have a look inside, men!"
Another voice from the crowd calls out, "Somebody get a rope!"
{CUT! CUT! CUT!...Goddamn it,...who said that?...Where does it say, extra yells, somebody get a ROPE? This is NOT a COWBOY movie, people! You extras have pitch forks and torches! You're not stringing up a HORSE thief, here! Nobody has any goddamn ROPES! Do I make myself perfectly clear? Annnd...ACTION!}
Dr. Frankenbob stands his ground. "You have no right to enter my home, gentlemen! I can have you all arrested for trespassing!"
The portly farmer steps forward. "I thought you'd not want us knowin' the truth of it, Doctor! We're comin' in, so you'd better step aside, if you know what's good for you!"
"Somebody get a ROPE!" chimes in the familiar voice.
{CUT, CUT!...Security, escort that extra OFF the goddamn lot! Take that idiot's name and get it to me later!...If you have a guild card, buddy, it's history!...Any more ad-libbing on the set and you're ALL gone! Got it? Time is MONEY, people! This ain't Gone With the Wind, ya know! Annnnd, ACTION!}
"This is right up my alley, Doc," Elpyra whispers in Frankenbob's ear. "I have just the spell to make 'em forget everything they know."
The doctor looks on with alarm as the mob shuffles closer. "I don't doubt your powers, dear lady, but..."
"Trust me, handsome...Just stand back and watch the fireworks!"
Stepping in front of the doctor, Elpyra lifts her arms toward the sky. With defiant calm, she begins to chant. "Earth, wind and fire, I call on thee...May the mob forget all...Make them let us be!"
The air rushes by as a strong north wind begins to blow. Suddenly, the crowd is enveloped in an eerie, green light. To a man, all the peasants stop in their tracks. The wind abates as quickly as it came, leaving a strange silence in the air. After a few moments, the townfolk stare at the torches and weapons in their hands.
"How the devil did I get here?" asks a dazed-looking farmer. The villagers murmur among themselves, astonished and totally confused.
"Absolutely amazing!" Frankenbob marvels. "I will never doubt your powers again, dear lady! You have rendered me utterly speechless!"
"That's fine with me, Doc. If I want any lip from you, and I do," she winks, "I'll show you later where to put 'em."
The doctor studies the situation before him. "As long as you gentlemen are here," he smiles, "it is a very cold morning to be standing about. I have a quantity of good brandy inside. Won't you come in and warm yourselves?"
The leader addresses Frankenbob. "I don't rightly know what's goin' on here, doctor, but I sure could use a taste!"
The farmer has no trouble getting a consensus amongst the other villagers. The peasants file in, looking stunned, but docile.
After an hour of steady drinking, they are of a most jovial disposition. The doctor had invited them to the dining room where a case of brandy is now being depleted at a fast and steady pace, with each peasant waving a glass about in celebration.
"Cheers, Doctor!" the leader toasts, drunkenly.
Frankenbob exits the room, waving over his shoulder in return.
Even Egad has gotten into the bottled spirits. He staggers beside the doctor as they make their way down a hallway. "Egad thought 'is goose was cooked, Guv, 'he did!...Maybe that witch ain't so bad after all, maybe. Wouldn't give Egad no pussy...No pussy fer Egad from that lightin'-throwing devil. But Maggie...she gives 'im plenty, she does!"
The doctor smiles down at his long-time companion. "I am pleased Maggie likes you," he chuckles.
Frankenbob and the dwarf continue to navigate down the dark hallway. They enter the library, where Maggie and Elpyra await.
Elpyra walks over to the doctor and slips her arm around his waist. "So, Doc, we left some brandy in my room. How about a little scratch and snifter?"
"Lead on, dear lady," Frankenbob smiles."Egad, Maggie, if you will excuse us."
The dwarf pops his head from beneath Maggie's skirts, bleary-eyed and grinning. "Nary a problem, Guv!..Pussy fer the doctor', I takes it?"
The scientist begins to blush. "Egad," he frowns, "I do wish you would learn to watch your language!"
The hunchback looks puzzled. "Ya must be drunk as a lord, Guv...Egad can't watch what 'e can't sees, 'e can't." With that, he disappears back beneath Maggie's skirts.
Elpyra takes the doctor by the hand, leading him down the hall and up the stairs to her room. "You know Doc," she says, fondling Frankenbob's firm behind, "you're kinda cute, in mad scientist sorta way." A slow smile crosses her lips. "Why don't we have another snort of brandy and talk some more about that lip service I mentioned?"
{CUT, annnd PRINT!...Everything went great, kids, except that moron's GET A ROPE line!
What is WRONG with you people? I said CUT!
Elpyra, honey, come down the stairs and walk with me back to your trailer. I gotta talk to you about what's happening here...It's about that spell you improved back there on the castle steps.
Those extras won't leave the set. They're slamming back stage booze like they think they're really partying their butts off in an actual castle. They're drunk as a bunch of alcoholic skunks on colored water, for chrissakes! They've forgotten this is just a crummy B movie, hun! They think they're really village clod-hoppers from a jerk-water town called Transylburg!
And that over-paid British stage actor I hired for the Egad role is staggering around with the best of 'em. Sir Hedric Hinkleman is acting like he really IS Egad.What the hell is going on here, sweetie?}
The actress smiles up at the director. "That spell of mine worked overtime, I guess." The beauty covers her mouth with a slender hand and begins to giggle.
{Tell me the truth, kid. You just showed up one day and told me you'd been sent over from the front office to play the part of Elpyra.
So, level with me, whoever you are...You didn't really come from Central Casting...did you?}
