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Author Name: Freewritelady 19 Comments
Date Added: January 15, 2005 09:01:28 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Unspecified
Category: Love Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
The Kiss
Perhaps the wind blew it to me


this kiss of warmth and need;


I closed my eyes


only for a second.


And it brushed across my lips with the speed of lightening across the summer sky.


I felt the thunder of a heart


Invited, and tender, so needed...





Perhaps it was only my imagination


this kiss so quickly gone,


like trash from the street,


a single page of paper


swept up from the ground


and off into the wind,


to land somewhere else


on another pair of lips.





I should not have closed my eyes.


Over too quickly...


A fleeting moment of sweetness, endearment, enchantment.


Next time I will keep my eyes open,


Perhaps the wind will blow again my way.
Author's Notes:
Sometimes, it seems that something as simple as a brief kiss can have such a lasting effect. Something that may last all of three seconds is engraved into our memory to revisit and replay, a thousand times over.
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Comments:
Comment By: TrialEdmund Spenser on October 17, 2008 08:55:34 AM Report
No! Lady of Write, this indeede was no winde blowne caresse, but a signe from Faerie land that the Red Crosse knight on your behalfe did battel with monstre and dragonne and in goode time would cometh unto thee!

 

Red Crosse

Comment By: FreeSteve on April 28, 2008 01:15:37 PM Report
Sometimes, it seems that something as simple as a sweet and tender poem can have a lasting effect.  Your poem certainly will for me as I have added it to my 'favorites' list.
Comment By: FreeDamon D. Brewer on April 1, 2006 10:01:52 PM Report
Barbie, this is a beautiful poem. I love it.
Damon
Comment By: Freetroy on January 30, 2006 05:40:25 PM Report
my goodness that sounds so yummy! good write ~bigmoe~
Comment By: FreeGlata on January 24, 2006 08:55:17 AM Report
Ah Barbie...the softness of a kiss carried on the wind...Hope you feel the ones I send your way. Sister, you are loved, and I never want you to forget that.
Hugs and kisses on the breeze...
Glata
Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on January 24, 2006 02:25:46 AM Report
Hi ya girlfriend! I was puckering up after I read this, hoping a kiss would come my way too!! *smiles*

This is very lovely Barbie. I thought the line "like trash from the street," didn't work in this poem, it seemed too harsh/dirty to be likened to something as precious as a kiss.

I thought the ending was a bit repetitive and drawn out. As a suggestion, right after "on another pair of lips." and the break, try, "A fleeting moment of sweetness

Endearment

Enchantment

I should not have closed my eyes.

The word "fleeting" takes care of the line "Over too quickly..."

"I should not have closed my eyes" takes care of "Next time I will keep my eyes open,"

I hope you are open to suggestion. I like to leave them in the comment box for a learning tool for those who come after me. These suggestions may or may not result in changes to the poem, that is something only you can decide but I believe that other writers can prosper from advice they find in comments.

You write romance with flair! *MUAH*

~Barbara~
Comment By: Freemichael mcdonough on January 23, 2006 10:58:41 AM Report
Very beautiful, it brings all kinds of images to mind.
Comment By: ModeratorHenry M. on November 2, 2005 07:48:06 AM Report
A kiss can be one of the most cherished of memories that we have. Beautifully expressed Barbie. Henry
Comment By: FreeMichael on October 29, 2005 07:20:41 PM Report
excellent write...
Comment By: FreeCindy Bendel on October 2, 2005 08:27:29 PM Report
Barbie, this was so nice....i started reading this one probably because i love to kiss so much. Ah yes, the power of a kiss..it can melt us into a puddle in less than 3 seconds flat. Thanks for taking me to that place....it made me want another one quick. Great poem and images. ~Cindy
Comment By: FreeShawnta on August 24, 2005 10:00:47 PM Report
that was very cute
Comment By: FreeMark S. Valence on May 6, 2005 12:11:16 PM Report
A very good write Ms. Barbie. Sometimes a few seconds will last a lifetime and sometimes a lifetime can last a few seconds. Either way, it is a lifetime. Again, Good Write!
Comment By: FreeRobert Neal on March 2, 2005 05:43:58 AM Report
You have described this so well, the ethereal whispy nature of something so real ... but so brief ... that only part of it lingers. But linger it does, perhaps until the end of memory. I may tend to prefer kisses that last much longer than 3 seconds, but that is another subject entirely.
Comment By: FreeJB on February 21, 2005 02:34:01 PM Report
fantastic poem, I know of a kiss just like this, a brief encounter that provides a life time memory. a great poem. wow
Comment By: FreeCynthia Jones on February 12, 2005 06:48:01 PM Report
What a peaceful write Barbie. Nicely done. *S* Wind Whisperer
Comment By: FreeMartha Heidel on January 30, 2005 05:01:54 AM Report
Another great one. Makes me realize to never take a simple kiss for granted.

Martha
Comment By: ModeratorHenry M. on January 19, 2005 06:45:29 AM Report
While a kiss may be fleeting, the memory of it can last you a lifetime! Good eritng. Henry
Comment By: FreeNataly Hachem on January 15, 2005 10:54:20 AM Report
very touching.... very nicely written...
Comment By: FreeRakerman on January 15, 2005 10:00:47 AM Report
Absolutely beautiful my friend...
Very well done
Raker




 


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