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Author Name: FreeSensual Sorceress 46 Comments
Date Added: February 09, 2007 21:02:00 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Without Redemption
Without Redemption
 
 
 
There are depths to you I cannot plumb,
Walls within I cannot breach.
My feelings are a vast ocean;
You contain in a thimble.
 
Randomly poured out to shower you,
Baptismal waters of purification.
Born again into the light of my love,
Cleansed of the sins in the past.
 
Each time you empty the thimble,
I try to tread the breaking waves. They
Erode the frail castles I lovingly built.
I am left without a method of redemption.

Author's Notes:
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeSteve on April 7, 2008 07:48:57 PM Report

A wonderful poem with great imagery....and words that  transform the poem in to a vision of love.  Certainly deserving an award.


Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on February 10, 2007 04:06:13 PM Report
Jolen,

 So many comments on such a great topic.. It tugs at the heart to read this powerful poem.. Congrads lady .. you deserve it!
Hugs ~ She Whispers

Comment By: FreeGoliath Assassin on October 9, 2006 04:56:25 PM Report
Such a sad little beauty of a poem here. Great water imagery. Water... definitely one element I don't do very well. Not quite jealousy, but... almost.
Comment By: PremiumSir Knight on June 18, 2006 12:15:29 PM Report
Jody,

Congrats' on this award a well written poem for a fantastic writer. Always amazing to see what you come up with each time.

 

Sir Knight

Comment By: FreeCynthia Jones on June 17, 2006 12:32:16 PM Report
Congrats on your award. *S* Wind Whisperer
Comment By: FreeChuck on June 16, 2006 07:10:30 PM Report
I told you so... congratulations!
Comment By: ModeratorJillian K. Alexis on June 16, 2006 08:16:10 AM Report





This is a very deep poem Jody, and one that I truly enjoyed reading. U have penned this excellently. Congratulations on your'  well deserved award my friend...Hugz...Jillian


Comment By: FreeWith pain comes strength on June 14, 2006 07:53:21 PM Report
A brilliant write, as below, loved the idea of a thimble containing a vast oceon of emotions

Congrats

nik

Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on June 14, 2006 03:14:43 AM Report
I have enjoyed the thought of the size of a thimble containing your feelings and yet when poured out they made waves that required you to tread...that image is what I will take away with me. I say, soak them all up again and if there is any left over, splash him with them, preferably right in the ka-zoo! *smiles*
Congratulations! =))
~Barbara~ *who is leaving ka-zoo open to your interpretation* 

 


Comment By: FreeThe Bag Lady on June 13, 2006 08:58:35 PM Report
Congratulations, little lady~  This is one of your best~  Good for you for winning an award..

Margaret.....

Comment By: FreeGlata on June 13, 2006 08:29:12 AM Report
Awesome! Congrats, Jody...You're raking them in!

Loved this...love you, too :)

Huggggs

Glata

Comment By: FreeAdri on June 13, 2006 07:22:00 AM Report

My dearest J,
This award goes without saying.  This is brilliant. I say it again, you just have a way!!  Congrats my dear friend, you take my breath away every time I read something you wrote!  This is so beautiful and yes I agree, painful.  You have a great gift!!!
Adri x


Comment By: FreeHeike on June 12, 2006 04:36:14 PM Report
Painfully good.
How could I have missed this before?
Jody, you give us all something to aspire to. Congratulations on your award!
~Heike

Comment By: FreeRoger Bacon on June 12, 2006 01:45:26 PM Report
I won't comment again other than to say congrats.  Well deserving of an award. 
Comment By: FreeThe Mystic Poet on June 12, 2006 01:12:54 AM Report
Congrats on winning! As ALF (thinking he's Wayne Schlaggel when he has amnesia, and relizes he has no clothes on would say): It's cold in here, were's my coat? Oh my God, I'm naked, you took my clothes.

 

YAY!

Comment By: PremiumJoe McNinney on June 11, 2006 09:03:05 PM Report
I commented below, congrats Jody, this is back to back, belly to belly for you, awesome! Joe
Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on June 11, 2006 07:49:24 PM Report
This gives me the strangest lost sort of feeling.  Poetry is best when it stirs emotion.  I like being stirred.  Congratulations on the awaard, J.  Looks good here.  ML

Comment By: FreeRobert Smith on May 14, 2006 07:16:18 PM Report
Expectations fully met!

P.S. three of the best - thanks for pointing me in the right direction Jody - Rob
Comment By: FreeMeg on January 28, 2006 12:07:41 AM Report
All the erosions of the oceans could not efface the impact of your words...this is another wondrous work, which I immensely enjoyed reading, as always with yours:). Thank you for sharing it with us.
XOXO Cheerios XOXO
Meg
Comment By: FreeMichael on January 16, 2006 07:55:32 PM Report
Jody, this is the best of your works which I have read to date. First rate by anyone's measure. This is thought provoking without the need to re-read! 5 Stars, YKM
Comment By: FreeThe Bag Lady on November 6, 2005 07:45:24 PM Report
A great write, though full of angst, dear Jody~ But, when you write it out, then it dissapates the energy~ Only you can bring us such darkness, but feel the hope in your words...
Margaret..a friend.....fighting the waves, too...
Comment By: FreeChuck on October 31, 2005 11:34:56 AM Report
What can I say?... another amazing write... possibly one of your best... I'm fasinated.
Comment By: FreeHenry M. on October 24, 2005 02:24:25 PM Report
Unless I missed my guess I believe the thimble to be giving out love and pain in equal doses. Excellent writing once again Jody. Henry
Comment By: FreeJames Lagoski on October 21, 2005 10:18:51 PM Report
Dear Jolen-
Life is but a thimble of the reality
But most grow confused by their destiny
And once it is lost left blowing in the winds
They don't realize where it all begins
We think that life depends on another
Without understanding the nature of mother
But I won't let this life pass me by
For my redemptions that made me cry---
You seem to have a connection with many-
Make it count-
Peace~
James
Comment By: FreeCindy Bendel on October 19, 2005 02:10:59 AM Report
Awesome simply awesome. I love this Jody.
Comment By: FreeRoger Bacon on October 18, 2005 08:00:24 PM Report
I think the use of the thimble analogy has served you well in this. Certainly, it is not to be taken literal. It also allows the reader to expand on it, if they wish. Translation: Love it!
Comment By: Freenanette on October 18, 2005 02:57:00 PM Report
Brilliant concept.....
I love the analogies.. Great write, truly wonderful....
Thank you for sharing your talent with us all...
~Nanette
Comment By: FreeCraig David Dawson on October 18, 2005 11:03:37 AM Report
Great imagrey here...very well written as usual.
Comment By: FreeCraig David Dawson on October 18, 2005 11:03:15 AM Report

Comment By: FreeCandy on October 18, 2005 10:13:12 AM Report
wow! I wish I had the words to compliment sucha write, but everything that comes to mind falls short so Ill have to leave it to "wonderful sweets"

Candy:)
Comment By: PremiumPaul on October 18, 2005 07:42:35 AM Report
AH I see Now I understand I was simply overlooking it was YOU that was left without redemtion. Thank You for helping me with this, it was my frail mind that causing me to overlook. Great Job!
Paul
Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on October 17, 2005 01:11:23 PM Report
I could quote Shakespeare and ask "Have you eaten of the insane root that takes the reason prisoner?"
Always wanted to quote that but unfortunately it is not an apt comment here. ;-((
....ok I am rambling....what I wanted to say in my own less than Shakespearian terms is
"Have you drunk from that fountain of inspiration what i have been looking for?"

Excellent metaphorical poem.
Ali x
PS No offence to David whose comments I always find extremely helpfull. x
Comment By: FreePelagic Mind on October 17, 2005 09:41:54 AM Report
I like the perspective of a thimble containing an "ocean of emotion"..... Hahaha...poetic ideas are not bound by man's dreams, they come from the soul too..nice piece.
Comment By: FreeGlata on October 17, 2005 07:57:31 AM Report
Beautiful beautiful beautiful! Ok, enough about me...

Jody, hon...this is truly outstanding and full of imagery that just blows the mind away! Intense love...intense pain...Seems to be the way life is at times...but you've given it a beauty in its starkness that I've not seen in a long time.

Love this...Love YOU! Sis, you are on a roll...keep writing!
Hugs...
Glata
Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on October 16, 2005 06:42:26 AM Report
Dear SS
If I understand this correctly it is profoundly tragic.
To have an ocean of love continuosly used only to destroy the castles of longing is cruel usage - perhaps - hopefully I have got it wrong.

You use some wonderful images and metaphors in this - the themes of water, baptism and rebirth are very cleverly intertwined and worked through the poem.

My only critique is the image of the thimble - to me it is too diminutive, did you mean it to have echoes of Hamlet's :-

"O God, I could be bounded in a nut shell and countmyself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams."

I presume you mea that your vst love is looked on by your beloved as a mere drop of tepid water. The problem Isee is that the thimblefull of lovewater does not quite make the last stanza work - you need something more substantial to wash the sandcastles of hope away.

Warm Wishes

David


Comment By: FreeSamantha Firefly on October 16, 2005 06:18:20 AM Report
This is a powerful write.
Samantha.
Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on October 15, 2005 08:29:33 PM Report
ooooooh...This is GOOD, kid...Not your usual style...:O)..yereverlovin.....{impressed}
Comment By: FreeGay Johnson on October 15, 2005 08:11:37 PM Report
It's not you who needs redemption. Keep treading, I'm on my way.
Love you, Nut
Comment By: FreeMoon Fairy on October 15, 2005 06:23:14 PM Report
Ms.S~
I too have to agree with Pamela and Lady D~
Moving and excellent write!
Some exceptional lines you have written across this page.
(*Moon~
Comment By: Freetom on October 15, 2005 04:18:48 PM Report
Excellent write Jody
hugs kisses
tom
Comment By: FreeEdward Kent on October 15, 2005 04:03:44 PM Report
Jody this tears the heart strings to pieces,,I hope and I pray that your life changes for the better,remember this, God looks after his own, and whatever you say you are one of his own,,hugs to you from a distant admirer of you and you poetry,,,,,
Comment By: PremiumJoe McNinney on October 15, 2005 03:25:54 PM Report
A deep and powerful write Sorceress, the symbolism is terrific. Would the redemption be worth it though? Excellent! Joe
Comment By: FreeTodd on October 15, 2005 03:23:52 PM Report
Truly a powerful write, love and relationships are difficult at best. Excellent job Jody
Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on October 15, 2005 03:10:31 PM Report
Miss SS: I do not believe I could write a finer comment than Pamela has posted.
This is an excellent write.

Lady Dragonwyck
Comment By: FreePamela A. Lamppa on October 15, 2005 02:52:45 PM Report
When redemption is bigger than life, it is often difficult to stay afloat.
Such a deep piece. I like this one my friend. It travels to those places most dare not question. Very fine work. ~Pam
Comment By: FreeRyan on October 15, 2005 02:42:31 PM Report
Wow a very nice written piece here =D going to my favs, keep up the good writing! which you always do =D

~Ryan~




 


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