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Author Name: PremiumCorin 3 Comments
Date Added: October 20, 2005 20:10:00 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Trafalgar Day
Two hundred years ago today

The Frogs and Spanish Onions

Knew they had been ashore too long

'Cos walking hurt their bunions!

"Mes bons amis," dit Villeneuve,

"Have a trip upon the ocean,

Rig the masts and set the sails!

Let's get these ships in motion.

The sun is out the weather's fair

It is the perfect day

To put to sea and sail around

Bonny Cadiz Bay."

Soon the French and Spanish Ships

Were out upon the sea,

Villeneuve saw that all was well

And went to take pee.

When he returned upon the deck

All was consternation

The French had spied some thirty ships

Of a superior nation!

Villeneuve cried "there's nothing for it,

We'll have to run away

Trafalgar is a sunny spot

We'll fight another day!"

They nearly reached their bathing place

But then the breeze went down

Their ships were all becalmed before

The fleet of the British crown.

When wind began to blow again

Nelson had a cunning plan -

He sailed his ships in two straight lines

With Victory in the van.

When Villeneuve saw Lord Nelson come

He said, "Let's try again,

Instead of running South South East

Go back towards the Main"

His ships turned round to no avail,

The Spanish could not hack it.

Nelson gave his signal man

A famous little packet.

Soon Nelsons flags spelled out the cry,

"Now is the time for booty,

England expects that every man

Today will do his duty!"

The British fleet split the French

From the Spanish inquisition

Victory and Redoubtable

Crashed with imprecision.

Lord Nelson walked upon his deck

Dressed in his Sunday best

A French sharpshooter spotted him

His bullet did the rest.

"Oh Blast!" cried Nelson, "My nice suit

Has a hole right down the back.

What will Lady Hamilton say

When we are in the sack?"

They picked him up and took him down

To the cockpit theatre.

The Surgeon tried to stitch it up,

But couldn't make it neater.

"Oh damn!" cried Nelson, "What a shame,

All is up for me.

I never will get home again

To drink her nice sweet tea."

Captain Hardy came and cried

When he saw the scene.

"Kiss me Hardy," Nelson said,

"But mind you keep it clean!"

At last the Spanish ships turned round

And saw it was too late.

The French were sinking one by one -

The British were too great!

They called goodbye and set full sail

To get home in time for bed.

Villeneuve was captured fast,

Brave Nelson, he was dead.

Lord Collingwood was Admiral now,

"I must not get it wrong,

And bury Nelson here at sea

But soon he'll start to pong!"

How can I get him home again

Before all his bits go off?"

Then Hardy sidled up to him

And gave a little cough.

"May I suggest?" the captain said,

"We use the spirit ration,

He always liked a little drink,

He could get home in this fashion.

If we tip him in a barrel of rum,

I'm sure he would be tickled

To think than when he gets back home

He'll be completely pickled!"

Author's Notes:
In celebration of Britains great Naval Victory over the French Two Hundred years ago this very day! And in commeration of the death of a Brave British Hero.
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'Trafalgar Day' Copyright © David Turner
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Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on October 26, 2005 05:47:57 PM Report
hahaha should have been under humour. BTW
Oh Blast!" cried Nelson, "My nice suit
Has a hole right down the back.
What will Lady Hamilton say
When we are in the sack?"

Did he go to bed with his clothes on? lol

Ali x
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on October 22, 2005 02:08:25 PM Report
Comment By: FreeEdward Kent on October 21, 2005 08:26:30 AM Report
lol well done mate I loved it,,,you got a gift mate...Eddy


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