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Author Name: PremiumMLAllen 13 Comments
Date Added: November 18, 2005 16:11:27 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Depression Add To Favorites | Text Only
There you are, stone cold dead or wanting to be;  finished with love, finished with disappointment, finished with trying to recover something just out of reach which never was; unseeing eyes staring at nothing, a sort of smile, a smirk really, that tells us all that you’ve had the last word; perhaps a satisfaction that what you told us was the only truth there is, knowing that now we believe.  But it‘s too late for rescue.  You‘ve won something.
I cry. All of us do.  Some with sadness because you are no longer with us, some with relief that you have at last escaped the darkness that in the end overwhelmed you, some for appearance--they who do not know you as I do think it is appropriate. 
But no.  It is not stone cold death that consumes you.  It is defense.  In this state there can be no more pain, no more betrayal, only the void of nothingness.
That’s not it either.  You do not believe in nothingness.  You believe that there is something better which awaits fhe final act to reveal itself.  Not pearly gates and streets of gold, but something ephemeral which is yet more real than your earthly existence.  I hope you have it right.
Still, I am angry.  How could you use this doubtful escape to rid yourself of the obligation you chose that at last weighed you down?  How could you leave a job undone, half done?  Do you not hear me screaming?
For the while you were here you inspired me, lifted me, showed me that no matter how deep the dark, no matter how despicable the betrayal, no matter how incapacitating the pain, there is always life, always hope.
I pray, not for you, but for me.  I pray I can survive without your warmth, your care, your example of phoenix-like victory.
In me resides a black hole which cannot be filled.  I cannot leap across or turn away.  I am transfixed with terror.  When you held my hand I could cope.  I could see the dangers in the dark, though they horrified and paralyzed me at first glance, I could understand.  I could overcome.  \
Without your light there is only despair, hopelessness, loss.
And now anger. Nay, fury outweighs grief and I shout at you.  Stop it!
Come out of it!  You are my hero.  You are my backbone.  You are my inspiration.  You must not do this thing, this hiding thing.  Throw off the cloak that hides your light.  Show yourself.  Stand up and roar, as you know best how to do.  Stand up to the terrors that would annihilate you.  Be again the warrior you were born to be, the wall between us and the enemy which is fear.
You have fought well.  You have carried the banner which you accepted when you knew you were strong.  Do not accept retreat.  Go forward and see an end to the duty you chose.  There is no one else who can do your job.    Remember who you are and what you came to do.  Recall the joy of victory.  Take up once more your sword and lead us out of the mire 
We who are your children weep.  Come back to us, mother.  Do you not hear?  Do you not care?  Come back.
Author's Notes:
Depression and bipolar disorder are devastating diseases.  Many families have some experience of them.  In my own family I had a very close cousin who took her own life at age twenty-four, perhaps because we did not recognize her peril and act soon enough.  I have another cousin who seems often on the brink of suicide. 
My poem is a plea to those who are dealing with these terrors to consider their importance in our lives, to take positive action against the beast and not give up hope for recovery. 
My friend Alison Stormwolf has helped many who suffer from these maladies with her work on the subject.  This piece grew out of that wonderful work.  Thank you, Alison, for the great work you're doing and for being a constant source of inspiration to me. mla
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Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on March 21, 2007 08:10:02 PM Report
Well Mary Lou - I too have been where you and Ali have been:-


In me are all the roads and paths and ways
Where men walk through the trauma of their days.
I know the deep, dark caves and sunlit peaks
Where pain-filled groans contend with joyous shrieks;
I know that tunnel where no hope shines a light,
Where walls and roofs grow narrower and tight,
And the train behind prevents you turning back,
And the darkness up ahead has blocked the track;
I know the dreadful logic of the pain
That argues that the children should be slain;
And I have yearned to enter endless night
Where no dawn brings the moving, doing light;
Yet - I have sat upon a hill in Greece,
Seen rising suns through rosy fingered fleece
And felt my soul conjoined with ancient bards;
And stood upon that peak in Darien
Watching, high above the clouds, the glowing sun
Set upon the last land of the West,
Still bright with light though darkness bathes the rest,
Then sink beyond the Peaceful Ocean's rim
To light far lands beyond that long salt swim,
And fire a green flash from parting day
As Time from World to World marks this one way.


Looks like your appeal did the trick - who could have failed to have  been moved by such a powerful potion of anger and love?



Comment By: FreeMicky McMaster on June 14, 2006 11:23:29 PM Report
Mary Lou ,your amazing !
This is so gripping and powerful.A summoning ,a pleading calling to task and a wonderful tribute to Alison .
Simply amazing !


Comment By: PremiumBruce A. Peaslee on December 23, 2005 10:09:11 AM Report
Mary Lou- It is a tragic truth of our times (and others) that depression haunts many people. I have had that struggle within my family and it is hard to cope with. For those who are in the struggle personally, life seems so frightful and overwhelming to the degree that "ending it all" seems the only way out; for those who have loved ones in this condition the problems can be overwhelming and confusing. Your poem expresses well the feelings that I have felt when faced with the moments that wife has had her spells of depression. Thank you.

Comment By: FreeDamon D. Brewer on December 19, 2005 06:08:46 PM Report
This is a wonderfully well written poem ML; you are a terrific writer to be able to write about things of this nature and get us all to stop and read it as well. Good Going Girl.
Comment By: FreeThe Bag Lady on December 1, 2005 05:57:09 PM Report
If ever I tapped upon a post this day, ML, I must say that this is the strongest write on this Site~! Your words are powerful, full of honesty and emotions~ One of the most pleading works that I have read from anyone~ There is nothing any worse than losing the person that you hold dearest to your heart from the dismissal of just daily living~ You have captured the thoughts and feelings of so many of us that have felt their hands were tied~ The dementia and depression that accompanies the affliction can be brutal upon the recipient and the family looking on~ I must say that I applaud you for your great write of dignity and self worth for those under the shadow~
GREAT post, ML, and your mention of dear Ali must be one of the finest~! I have so missed the opportunity to read from your talented page, and revel in the chance that it afforded me today~!
Love, Margaret....
Comment By: FreeRoger Bacon on December 1, 2005 10:38:12 AM Report
Goodness what a powerful write with a subject matter that most want to sweep under a rug. I hope some of the younger crowd here find this write and contemplate the message.
Comment By: FreeEdward Kent on November 28, 2005 09:05:41 PM Report
wonderfull penned write ,,,you have a gift and i'm pleased you use it ..hugs Eddy
Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on November 24, 2005 10:45:39 PM Report
This is power, Mary Lou..Stopped me right in my turkey eating tracks..My own mother suffered terrible bouts of depression, and even tried to take her own life, believing she would burn in hell for it..Medication was not readily available, in those days..It would have never occoured to her that she suffered from a medically treatable problem...Good goin', girl...len
Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on November 21, 2005 03:53:55 PM Report
Sadly, without medical help many with these disorders will take their own life. At this point they do not have the mental capacity to make reason properly and realize just what they are leaving and doing to those left to mourn. It is important to recongnize the signs of these disorders and act accordingly. Perhaps your guidance will help them get the treatment they hope will return to them and they will choose life and not death.

Stirring work ML. My hat is off to Alison as well, she is a wonderful supportive person and is always an inspiration to me as well.

Comment By: Freejoia on November 21, 2005 12:01:17 AM Report
A rousing cry and shoulder given here, and sometimes anger can be an ally..if only more was have a gift of using words that convey both determination and desparation..quite the feat...very well done, joia
Comment By: FreeSavanahB on November 20, 2005 05:11:41 PM Report
Oh WOW, ML! This is so....damn....just
I can't find the words to express what this did to me. Yes, Storm is one of the strongest people I know and she is indeed a guiding light to many of us here. She finds humor in things that would drive most of us to despair and just keeps on keepin' on. Wonderful tribute and words of encouragement to those that suffer from depression. Kickin' work, ML! - Jude.. reachin' for a tissue....
Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on November 19, 2005 03:00:55 PM Report
Moved beyond words by your writing my dear friend.
You are the original brave soul...the woman with the strength of fight your battles daily and with unswerving faith and courage.

Words cannot express what I feel in my heart.
I will not give up the fight till I drop of natural causes. ;-)
Ali xxx
Comment By: FreePaul Peter McLean on November 18, 2005 04:32:59 PM Report
Wonderful work, Mary Lou, possibly your best ever. Anger, pity, sorrow, hope, encouragement - all of these and more are contained within the powerful words in this piece. Excellent.


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