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Author Name: Freehashmiabbas 6 Comments
Date Added: May 20, 2006 03:05:14 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Unspecified
Category: Love Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
LOVE

Love

It is the dreamer`s dream
It is the soldier`s scream
It is a child`s Ice cream
It is a farmer`s stream

Love

Is 'word' for you and me
Is curse for kingdom`s pree
Is mighty flame of spree
Is lonely street & trees

Love

Is father`s worst nightmare
Is mother`s sacred fare
Is sister`s silent care
Is brother`s ugly hair

Love

You cant just take exchange
We all some day do change
Has got the widest range

Is something very strange

(with corrections implemented, on suggestions by Barbara.D.)

Author's Notes:

Inspired by Whispers of SHE.

PS: And the corrections pointed by Barbara.D. (Thanx Dear)

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Comments:
Comment By: FreeSurvivingInSanity on October 2, 2006 05:04:47 PM Report
i like the idea of the poem but i think your work would be better served not to ryhme.

it is easier to express your feelings the way you want them not just the way they fit. its a good write.

Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on May 25, 2006 02:36:36 AM Report
The message is one that held my attention. The presentation needs a bit of rivision. I question if having "Love!" at the beginning of each line is adding or detracting from the poem. I would suggest using it at the beginning of each stanza and not the beginning of each individual line. The brackedted words are stumbling blocks, they are offering a description of the line which should not be necessary if the line is written effectively. You must be careful not to offend your reader's intelligence by explaining.

Also, you have used capitalization where it is not needed. (You and Me, Farmer's)

You have constructed this poem so each verse has 4 lines which rhyme, however the last verse has a miss. The line, "Love! Has got wide canvas" is the one that needs fixing.

I hope these points are useful to you.

Thank you for sharing your lovely thoughts on love. It is all of this and more! =))

~Barbara~


Comment By: Freecyma khan on May 22, 2006 09:41:48 AM Report
very beautifuly writen and as love is all the laughter n the tear tht fall one thing tht is magical ( i love this song thts why writting agn ;) )
God bless u
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on May 20, 2006 10:59:55 AM Report
ABBAS,
YOU HAVE PAINTED A PICTURE OF SO MANY THING THAT LOVE IS IN THIS WORLD.. IT HAS MANY FACES AND WE NEED SO MUCH IN LIFE TO EXIST.. THIS IS A VERY TOUCHING POEM...THANK YOU FOR THIS PLEASURE I'M MOVED BY YOUR KINDNESS.. ALWAYS ~ SHE
Comment By: FreeSharon Jorcil James on May 20, 2006 06:56:19 AM Report
Your words ring through loud and clear in this beautiful write Abbas.
The short quick lines creates a fantastic flow of the words.
Well done.

Sharon JJ
Comment By: FreeAngel on May 20, 2006 03:29:42 AM Report
Love is made of a thousand things love is what makes the heart sing Lovely write

Love Angelxx




 


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