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Author Name: Freewritelady 16 Comments
Date Added: September 05, 2006 07:09:08 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Gamut

What if the passage

suddenly became wide;

became flat?

No curves,

no stones sharp and random

to bruise my soft feet

and place a grimace of pain upon my face?

No rise of earth to surmount,

one foot in front of the other;

no rushing of things from the forest

running beside the passage

keeping the adrenalin flowing

and planting the taste of fear upon my tongue.

Would the water found at the spring taste as sweet?

Will I ever know how the soft slide of green tickling my ankles again?

How did I wind up here, on this road anyhow?

Oh choose well, my daughters..

Fate enjoys heckling me;

and try as I may,

the proud and feisty laugh you hear me give her is naught

but a sigh and moan of tears concealed

in a woman too proud.

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Comments:
Comment By: Freejag on June 3, 2008 07:38:31 PM Report
Super stuff this is you at your best i reckon

Comment By: FreeRoss McCague Rosco on November 3, 2006 02:04:59 PM Report

 I don't ever seem to be able to find a single word I'd change in your writing. Do they just fall on the page? You have 350 pieces up, so it's not like you have time to endlessly polish things as in Roger's gem collection. Hope you start recording when you have some time next year.


Comment By: AdminRichardM on September 30, 2006 04:53:22 PM Report
Yes, I agree with Graham. So many of us can relate to this one. It's presented in a unique way, seems to me, and I really enjoyed how you came to it. It seems so often we laugh at the hands of fate, rolling with the punches, as we cry within ourselves over what we miss. But to know it is to acknowledge the complexity of our lives and celebrate it as survivors. Great work! Rich
Comment By: FreeGraham Jones on September 21, 2006 05:09:04 AM Report
A heartfelt and an emotional write which gives off plenty of vibes to those who can relate so closely with this, no one should be to proud to show their feelings as it is a release valve, if you bottle it all up somethings going to blow sooner or later.
Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on September 20, 2006 05:24:28 AM Report
heartwrending and heartfelt   a good proud woman.

 

Ali xox

Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on September 9, 2006 05:38:29 PM Report
Fake it til ya makee itt, Barbie...All things must psss..You really put together some strong imagess, here...Good stuff...len
Comment By: FreeTobi on September 8, 2006 11:03:39 PM Report
The sweet is that much sweeter when the sour is available for comparison! I love the thought behind this, and it really touched a place deep within me. It does seem a thankless job at times, but there are those "spring water" moments that make it all worhtwhile!

Comment By: FreeAngel on September 5, 2006 05:15:57 PM Report
Oh yes the invisible ones when it comes to daughters and sons. We are just robots with no emotions. Do you often  need to repeat yourself  like a parrot, is it because they don't really listen to us lol. LISTEN children we have had enough ....time for you my friend B

 

Cheers holds up glass to you

 

Superb

 

Love Angelxx

Comment By: PremiumRobertM on September 5, 2006 02:40:17 PM Report
This is a really excellent write. Great concept beautifully executed. Thanks for the enjoyable read,   RM.
Comment By: FreeRichard Michael Cronin on September 5, 2006 12:37:38 PM Report
As good as good gets, nice writelady!
Comment By: FreeJoe Petro on September 5, 2006 11:18:25 AM Report
Sending a bit O positive energy your way...........There, did you feel that?  Twas a classy rant though. jp
Comment By: ModeratorHenry M. on September 5, 2006 09:07:16 AM Report
Sounds to me like you are writing from the frustrated side of life Barbie. We have all visited this place at one time or another, so you are not alone Barbie! You have help at hand to get you through.    Henry
Comment By: FreeWide Awake on September 5, 2006 08:08:18 AM Report
Well dear, fraid you lost me a bit in the end there...sounds like mom might be feeling the pains of parenthood? Oof...how I'd like to avoid that myself...alas...

You made such a GREAT speech on the merits of trial and tribulations, I am almost....:o) Almost eager to meet these challenges...

Beautifully penned Barbara~

Hugs,
Little Fox~

Comment By: FreeCeeCee on September 5, 2006 08:07:13 AM Report
So nicely done, Barbie!  LOVED it.

 

Cari

 

Comment By: FreeAdri on September 5, 2006 07:57:17 AM Report
Oh you just spoke to my soul...  B this is a wonderful poem... soul searching, real and beautiful.  You penned this sooooo well.  Love it!!!
Adri x

Comment By: FreeGlata on September 5, 2006 07:53:40 AM Report
Wow, what a soul rending write, girl...I can feel this! I think that most of us can relate to this at times...but my heart is right there with you...and I'm crocheting a blanket to keep you warm when the winds howl too much...

love you girl!

Your NC sis...

me





 


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