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Author Name: FreeSensual Sorceress 22 Comments
Date Added: October 15, 2008 08:10:40 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Friendship Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Fire Sisters

We were young when we met,
each of us wearing our youth as
casually as we wear our bathrobes today.
Her radiant innocence like
freshly picked peaches and cream;
And I with my ripe sensuality
on a vine heavily bent by its fruit.
I remember that I didn’t like the style of her shoes,
but I loved the fashion of her smile.
She was clean yet earthy; a fresh ear of sweet corn,
blown in from our Midwestern fields.
Her eyes held fire, a cold fire,
both thoughtful and calculating, assessing risk.
Where my eyes blazed incessantly...
dampening from moment to moment, breath-to-breath.
In truth, we were each forged in fire,
both of us scorched and scarred,
tattooed sisters by some secretive and hideous rite.
She planned for everything
but the hellish man she’d given her innocence to,
as I planned what music to play at my next party.
She wanted to be a reporter, and I needed to be a star.
We survived bad hair days, worse marriages, and childbirth,
but we nearly died from love.
Author's Notes:
A poem for my oldest friend, Dorothy, whom I had lost track of for some many years until she found me here on CP.  She is a reporter in Cedar Rapids, Iowa,  and I am finally writing, as she always knew I would.

I love you, Dot.

*Special thanks to Sanddancer, David Turner, Ross McCague, And Shywolf for edit suggestions
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeStar on September 30, 2007 09:28:13 AM Report
You never cease to amaze Jolen..

Lucky you to have such a friend..

Congrats on the award..so well deserved

Star

Comment By: FreeKelli on September 26, 2007 04:21:34 PM Report
Jolen, this is a wonderful piece and is beautifully penned. I love this! Your award is most deserved :)

 

Kelli

Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on September 24, 2007 11:04:09 PM Report
Congratulations, J. I'm happy to see this win. It deserves to. ML
Comment By: FreeAngelique on September 24, 2007 04:11:35 PM Report
Beautiful word choices and images. Congrats on the award. This drew me in so quickly, yet so subtly that when the last line gave me chills it surprised me. 

Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on September 24, 2007 11:52:55 AM Report
Ms S.S.:  super Congrats on this marvelous poem getting a Feature Award.

 

Lady D

Comment By: FreeTimespell on September 13, 2007 04:39:50 AM Report
Perfect Poem Jolen,
It's great to connect to a old friend, who you thought you lost down the years.
All of those memories come flooding back like they we're yesterday.
I can see you both had a lot of catching up to do!

We survived bad hair days, worse marriages, and childbirth,

but we nearly died from love.


:O)

~T.S~


Comment By: FreeRoger on July 6, 2007 01:37:08 AM Report
I can't get over the molten theme you have here... very nice, Hon!  I enjoyed ALL of it!  And congrats on rekindling your friendship with a lost friend.  :)
Comment By: FreeS on June 8, 2007 10:10:19 AM Report
great poem ! i think its one of your best !
Comment By: Freetom on May 31, 2007 04:25:14 PM Report
magnificent penning Jolen sensual passion and a wonderful love

hugs kisses

tom

Comment By: Freesanddancer on May 31, 2007 11:40:05 AM Report

Yes, this works even better now. I thoroughly agree to the change to the 'calculative of risk' line- I couldn't come up with anything else and had had my say anyway! Glad that last line has stayed in there- it rounds the poem of beautifully.


x


Comment By: FreeDarkness Rides This Night on May 31, 2007 08:16:32 AM Report
It's amazing how you can grow up with someone and then lose track of them for a long time and just come back and it is as if not even a second has gone by. Excellent write my dear friend. May you two never be parted again.
Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on May 30, 2007 06:34:27 PM Report
Well done, J.  Good contrasts and comparisons.  What a lucky friend to have found you again.  That's a great feeling.  And I would note that you've also become a star.  ML
Comment By: FreeLeroy Taylor Lyon on May 30, 2007 11:55:24 AM Report
cool write

Comment By: FreeRoss McCague Rosco on May 30, 2007 04:25:55 AM Report
of the fruit (there may be coastal New England readers who don't salivate)

1. already heavily bent from my past (alternative line)

 

2. fashion of her smile

 

blazed infernos

3. blazed incessantly

 

4. Midwestern has no hyphen. English women. Honestly.

 

You bittersweet lady brimming so. Such a common touch, such an anguished heart.

 

 

Comment By: FreeSilkinTears on May 29, 2007 08:16:31 PM Report
This is an absolutely brilliant write Jolen. I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about. My high school friend also found me after 20 years of separation. We didn't skip a beat and continue our frienship still today even though it's long distance. I loved this.
Helen

Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on May 29, 2007 05:56:20 PM Report
A moving piece JOlen - especially when you read the note.

Two comments:-

 

1) 'calculative of risk' feels awkward to me - perhaps something like :-

 

"Her eyes held fire, a cold fire,
both thoughtful and calculating, assessing the risk,

 

2) "We survived bad marriages, worse hair days, and childbirth, "

I thought that this line would be stronger if organised it in ascending order of  risk:-

 

"We survived bad hair days, worse marriages, and childbirth, "

 

A great last line.

 

Warm Wishes

 

David

 


 

Comment By: FreeRoger Bacon on May 29, 2007 05:38:38 PM Report
Good prose poetry here.  Very rich lines.  Nothing more needs to be said. 
Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on May 29, 2007 02:30:36 PM Report
absolutely fabulous. So much in a few lines...Its just so wonderful when people are reunited and we see what life has brought them but ultimately more or less the same as we dreamed.

Ali xox

Comment By: FreeAdri on May 29, 2007 01:27:01 PM Report
Oh this is so beautiful and sweet!  How lucky she is to have found you agin!! 
Adri x

Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on May 28, 2007 06:22:30 PM Report
I'm almost speechless, Aces..That doesn't happen very often...This is beautifully done poetry.

 

"Her radiant innocence, shone abundant and natural
on her freshly picked peaches and cream complexion;
And me, with my sensuality ripening on a vine heavily
bent from the weight of the fruit."  Man....that is GOOD! That's wonderful that you re-connected with an old friend, darlin'...She knew you would write, huh?...Didn't you???? yereverlovinthispoemfurball

Comment By: FreeThe Mystic Poet on May 28, 2007 06:06:10 PM Report
True friends always come back and are found again. And time just picks up where it left off. Good one J.
Comment By: FreeLinear Z on May 28, 2007 05:37:16 PM Report
This is just beautiful Jolen. A wonderful peice of reminising, sweet and sharp. I love this, and I am sure your freind wil apreciate it very much.
I found this one so moving Sorceress, I just can't tell you. Fantastic job.
Love, Linear.





 


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