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Author Name: FreeSensual Sorceress 26 Comments
Date Added: September 01, 2007 18:09:39 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Pinocchio
Pinocchio, you must not believe
that wooden figures come to life
and sever all their puppet strings
which are tethered up too tight
to a belief in fleeting things.
Incessant praying to a goddess
who forsakes your dubious soul
will never grant you what you seek.
That lies some way past your control.

There is no hope, Pinocchio
of becoming a perfect little boy.
Can’t you see that you were crafted
to serve time as someone’s toy.
Once you have performed your duty,
straight back in the box you’ll go -
be mindful that you tell the truth…
you don’t want that nose to grow.
If you were finally exhumed--free
from that womb-like tomb of desire,
what would all your dreams then be?
To what heights would you aspire?

Pinocchio, you smiled and laughed
as you entertained your master.
She praised those pathetic efforts
when you danced a little faster.
Her deft fingers stroked your ego,
pulling you this way and that.
You bravely faced the front, as
she slid her blade along your back.
She tugged at those delicate stings
before she sliced each one in half.


It's not the evil hand of Stromboli
you need fear upon your wires,
your pain will begin again-- when
she sets your wooden dreams on fire.






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Comments:
Comment By: FreePaul Peter McLean on June 29, 2011 10:18:52 PM Report
What can I say about this excellent poem that hasn't already been said in all the wonderful comments you have received? Not very much. I was a bit puzzled by the mention of Stromboli near the end, knowing Stromboli only as a volcanic island. Then I discovered that it refers to a character in the Disney film of Pinocchio. Not having seen that, I don't get the significance, but I'm sure it is very apt. I think the typo ("stings" instead of "strings") has already been pointed out. The only other thing I would quibble with is the use of the word "master" when referring to a female controller. I realise that changing it would also mean having to change "faster", and I know "mistress" carries more than one meaning and could lead to the poem being misconstrued. Hard to know what to do for the best there, unless you keep "faster" and replace "master" with another word that rhymes. If the master referred to is the goddess, you could write that, instead of master. However, all in all it's a good work.
Comment By: FreeCathy on July 19, 2008 11:55:20 AM Report
I applaud you with this one you really peeked my interest in this right till the end loved every word Congratulations on yet another masterpiece
.......hugs Cathy
ok i will give a break for a while

Comment By: FreeStar on September 15, 2007 09:54:03 PM Report
I love this Jolen...

You never cease to amaze..

Congrats on another well deserved award..

Star

Comment By: FreeChuck on September 12, 2007 04:19:37 AM Report

Yes...I do like this one...I'm not sure if I should...but I do...great job...and congratulations.


Comment By: FreeRoger Bacon on September 11, 2007 03:49:38 PM Report

Amazing where you get your creativity.  Never imagined this little wooden boy could morph into such a good metaphor.  Quality work here for another deserved award!


Comment By: FreeMoon Fairy on September 10, 2007 07:50:05 PM Report
Jody,

Wow, such an awesome write! Congratulations hun, well written.
Tracie~

Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on September 9, 2007 04:17:25 PM Report
I told you this was good.  Congratulations, Ms S.S. !!!

 

Lady D

Comment By: FreeJames Thomas Whitworth on September 9, 2007 03:56:54 PM Report
Congratulations, princess. Almost as good as your Beef Wellington. Almost.

Comment By: FreeBruce A. Peaslee on September 7, 2007 04:50:57 PM Report

Jody,   This is quite an evocative piece of poetry,  It makes an interesting parrallel between Pinocchio and, I assume, those who hold tenaciously to certain tenants in life.  It makes an interesting read and a good poem.


 


---Poetrydad---


Comment By: FreeRobin Constantinou on September 6, 2007 09:12:53 AM Report
wow brilliant, you twist my mind to another level, great write, jolen, i think i will add this to my favourites
thanks for sharing
~Robin

Comment By: FreeHannah Mae on September 4, 2007 03:41:35 PM Report
Whoa. I wasn't expecting that! A very interesting perspective.

~Shanna

Comment By: Premiumlionheart on September 3, 2007 08:27:13 AM Report
Great poem Jody.          

I think some of us can relate.

 

Richard xo

 


Comment By: FreeAdri on September 3, 2007 04:42:47 AM Report
Wow, times like this I just again realize why you are my mentor...  Beyond brilliant.  I am speechless my J, you are brilliant. 
Adri x

Comment By: FreeJames Thomas Whitworth on September 2, 2007 10:46:42 AM Report
Sitting down and reading this again, I tend to agree with Ross that the final two lines work better without the repetition of the previous two. Aside from that, there is nothing in here that needs to be done. Yet again, you delve into that beautiful mind of yours and drag something up from gods-knows-where and bring it to fruition in typically precise and inimitable style.

Every time I read something on here, and then see the joy you give with your artistry, for your gift is art, indeed, I can't help thinking: Yes, she is mine and I am so fucking proud.

Excellent as always, princess.
Love,
James.

 

Comment By: FreeGlata on September 2, 2007 08:49:31 AM Report
Beautifully crafted write, here, Jolen...it's sad to think of how we tend to dive right into the flames of hurtful love. Why do we end up allowing others to hurt us so much?

Loved the imagery here!

Hugs to ya...

Glata

Comment By: FreeLinear Z on September 2, 2007 04:44:09 AM Report
A beautiful poem, Sorceress. I love the images you have going here. A wonderful metaphore and a great peice of writing.
Love, D.

Comment By: FreeAngel on September 2, 2007 04:12:52 AM Report
Pinocchio, you smiled and laughed
as you entertained your master.
She praised your best efforts
so you danced a little faster.
Her fingers stroked your ego,
to pull you this way and that.
You bravely faced the front as
she placed her blade to your back,
and tugged at those delicate strings
before slicing each one in half.



Even the wooden ones can only take so much :0) Being pulled this way and that. This was magnificent Jody

 

Love Angelxx

Comment By: FreeHelen on September 2, 2007 03:11:05 AM Report
Very interesting... Unusual. I like "wooden dreams" set on fire.

Comment By: FreeJoe Petro on September 2, 2007 03:01:25 AM Report
Oh my.......may I ask what inspired this one? You continually top your previous best. jp
Comment By: FreeWide Awake on September 1, 2007 11:03:09 PM Report
...Astounding!
...Awesome!!!
...Just exquisite dear friend....Excellent!

I was charmed, lulled, shocked, betrayed...lol....great depth presented beautifully with a real unique feel to it...Loved this! :o)

Hugs,
Pamela

Comment By: FreeRoss McCague Rosco on September 1, 2007 10:29:45 PM Report

You can never be exhumed


from that womb-like tomb of desire,


Your troubles have begun again--


She's setting all your wooden dreams on fire.


Comment By: FreeRoss McCague Rosco on September 1, 2007 10:24:37 PM Report
I quite like this. It really works as a metaphor. You've handled it well.

 

'your goals be?' 'or your dreams be?'

typo:  'stings' instead of 'strings'

 

I'm not sure that these lines are necessary:

You were exhumed at last, from
that womb-like tomb of desire,


The final couplet without them reads better.

 

R

 

Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on September 1, 2007 08:50:48 PM Report
Holy MOLY!!!!   What a master craftsman you are with the printed word, darlin'...

 

You were exhumed at last, from
that womb-like tomb of desire,
now your troubles have just begun -
she’s setting your wooden dreams on fire.

 

HOOBOY!!!... That is a KILLER ending!!!....Marvelous, my talented Aces

Comment By: PremiumCharles C. Griggs on September 1, 2007 08:22:17 PM Report
Where do your thoughts come from-
Comment By: FreeHenry M. on September 1, 2007 07:22:50 PM Report
Oh my God, that's it, I know the answer! You are gepetto's evil twin sister, out to stomp on the dreams of poor Pinnochio! Jody, this was great, a nice peek at the dark side.  Henry
Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on September 1, 2007 07:13:02 PM Report
Well this is surely DARK SIDE !!!   Very interesting...........

 

Lady D





 


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