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Author Name: Freewritelady 12 Comments
Date Added: January 20, 2008 08:01:12 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Love Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
ONCE AGAIN
 
 
 
 
 
 
Catapulted into thin airy blackness
reaching for the remains of fireworks that
no longer exist by
a shooter who loves the show
but cannot deliver what he has promised
I lay awake untended
and thinking to myself of other hot July Fourths
that left me dumbfounded by the colors and emotion
until the soft brush of sleep
closes my eyelids and hides the disappointment
once again

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Comments:
Comment By: FreeSteve on April 4, 2008 09:04:25 AM Report
Tell it like  it is.....but cannot deliver what he has promised


Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on March 19, 2008 03:01:25 PM Report
THis is lovely and so sad, Barb..Very poetically written, kid...len
Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on January 27, 2008 12:34:02 PM Report
I live by the premise that in order forew and better to flow into our lives....we have to be prepared to step out in fath and make room for those things....

This poem speaks powerfully of a situation I lived with for too long...my marriage.

 

Go after the fireworks...they may not last but then none of us knows how long we have...go after the fireworks

 

Ali xox

Comment By: FreeAngel on January 25, 2008 03:36:14 PM Report
Excellent write B. How are you doing ?

 

Love Angelxx

Comment By: FreeSilkinTears on January 21, 2008 12:35:46 PM Report
Wow Barbie...great wording. Oh how well I know this shooter. Thank goodness sleep hides the disappointment for a while.
Helen

Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on January 20, 2008 05:57:25 PM Report

Hi Barbie, this expresses a yearning for something better ,something deserved very well. The firework metaphor is a is very effective  - though perhaps it opens you to the implication that you are always reaching for the stars and then experiencing a crash landing.


Technically I thought that the poem would be better divided ito 2 stanzas - the firework metaphor (which perhaps ouht to include some description of the crash landing? And the second the contemplative stanza with the yearning for the sweet balm of forgetfulness that weary and suffering always have as a last resort.

 

Warm Wishes

 

David

Comment By: FreeCeeCee on January 20, 2008 01:49:08 PM Report
Wow, Barbie....this is excellent work.  First, the subject matter is fresh and not often written about so it caputures the reader immediately.  Secondly your metaphor was very good regarding the fireworks and a "shooter who loves the show but cannot deliver."  The transition line "I lay awake untended" was really good and brought about a quiet ending just like the hiding you mention in your poem...great contrasts between the loudness of fireworks and the quietness of sleep and personal disappointment.Very, very well done.

 

Cari

 

Comment By: FreeJessica on January 20, 2008 12:56:26 PM Report
I agree with Henry captured beautifully! You have a way with words thats exquisite!

Jess

Comment By: ModeratorHenry M. on January 20, 2008 11:47:34 AM Report
How well you captured this Barbie, so many promises made, so many unkept! It has led your heart to write these sad words. Time to rise up and leave this bitter taste behind, so that you may find a heart that will care for yours and treat it like gold.   Henry

Comment By: FreeGlata on January 20, 2008 10:48:57 AM Report
Definitely time to find another "shooter" that will, this time, be the one to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. When it's all one-sided it leads to nothing but heartache. I'm ready to pack and shoot the scoundrel for you, if need be!

Love ya gal, and when I get through wiping the tears from my  heart over this, I'll be sure to give you a gazillion  hugs!

Hugs for you...

Yeller

Comment By: FreeKaren Lowrey on January 20, 2008 10:36:58 AM Report






Wow, you really want to make me feel your crying words!  Such a powerful write of a hurtful disappointment by the one who left you feeling dumbfounded by the colors and emotions that keep a crying soul awake crying into the night until sleep overcomes the pain and discomfort of what he had promised in a thin airy loveless blackness!

 

You have a wonderful talent of displaying the imagery of your words.  I can not suggest any room for improvement for I enjoyed reading it word for word, CONGRATULATIONS on a job well done!


Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on January 20, 2008 09:05:45 AM Report
Barbie,
 Your still young and so full of life.... When its time for the love of your life.... to come into your world.... The door way of love is in your heart ..all he has to do is knock and you will know its your time to love him with all your heart... We have stepping stones  in our path just follow them your love waits in the rose garden bower
HUgs ~ She Whispers





 


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