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Author Name: Freepenfold18 10 Comments
Date Added: May 08, 2008 09:05:17 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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The Longest Night.
The room lay cloaked in darkness
Save the flickering from the fire
A mother sat, her babe in arms
Waiting for her squire
 
She tenderly looked down upon
Her child in swaddling clothes
And gently dabbed away the sweat
That gathered round his nose
 
The room was hot and humid
But she really didn't care
She checked the time, five minutes passed
Since she had last looked there
 
She fought the rising panic
As she sat there in the dark
Her open palm was bleeding
Where her nails had left their mark
 
Time was running out for her
But she knew that from the start
She looked again towards the clock
And heard the beating of her heart
 
The epidemic had spread so fast
With serum in short supply
If only he would hurry back
Her child then need not die
 
He snuggled in his blanket
And made a coughing sound
She drew him closer to her breast
And her head began to pound
 
The tears were gathering in her eyes
As she said a silent prayer
"Please Lord don't take my child from me"
"You know how much I care"
 
But even as she said it
The tears streamed down her face
"Oh Mother Mary, I beg of you"
"Please show my child some grace"
 
Then as she sat there sobbing
Her eyes red rimmed and sore
Her body racked in deep despair
Came a knocking at the door
 
Relief came flooding through her
The Squire he had returned
The serum would give her back her child
The crisis had been turned
 
Her prayers, they had been answered
Her son would see the day
She thanked the Lord for mercy shown
And the part she had to play.
 
 
 
 
 
Author's Notes:
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'The Longest Night.' Copyright © Graham Jones
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Comments:
Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on June 3, 2008 02:47:21 AM Report
A brilliantly told ballad Graham, but I have a problem with the ending. Happy endings are all very Hollywood but often not true to life. This piece builds up to great drama and I think that the release of the happy ending destroys the tension and the drama in a way that detracts from the quality of the writing. God answering our prayers is an easy resolution and poses no questuions, but God not answering the mother's prayer (as he often chooses not to do) is a much profounder and troubling conclusion. You can suggest whatever kind of answer you think appropriate to this great difficulty, but the problem of evil and pain in the world is a good one for poets (and Christians) to address. It is a profound question that we all have to face at some time in our lives. I would be very interested to see your take on the story where the squire arrives back just too late.

 

Some other questions - what era did you imagine this to be?  A few clues suggested 18th Century - and the illness and serum? I found it difficult to identify these - and also difficult to think of anything that could be effectively and quickly treated in this way - snakebite perhaps? Or a bacterial infection if the era allowed penicillin to be the serum. Still it does not really matter but it would add drama if you could specify a  real illness. 

 

A very good read anyway,

 

David

Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on May 19, 2008 12:30:11 PM Report

Well named and full of vivid detail that make this situation the reader's own. Good work Graham!


~Barbara~


Comment By: FreeCindy Bendel on May 15, 2008 02:17:45 AM Report
Graham..this was so well done. Greatly enjoyed, it held me every word.

~Cin xo

Comment By: FreeSteve on May 11, 2008 02:23:01 AM Report
An amazing story with a powerful expression of emotions.
Comment By: FreeKevin Dutton on May 10, 2008 05:01:47 AM Report
Brilliant write Graham.

 

Sorry not been around for ages, busy with work and exams - your new stuff was the first I checked on my return as usual, and it  is, as always, exceptional!!!

 

Cheers

 

Kevin

Comment By: FreeAngel on May 10, 2008 04:49:58 AM Report
Magnificent Graham. This was a heartbreaking story. I loved it. Glad it was a happy ending hun

 

Love Angelxx

Comment By: PremiumJoe McNinney on May 9, 2008 09:09:49 AM Report
Graham, this is an instant fav my man! An incredible tale, Joe
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on May 9, 2008 08:22:57 AM Report
 Sir Graham,
 Your word story so vivid and life like it was like watching a movie..  ..so astonishing to read. But most of all to have it all flow.
 I always enjoy every thing you write... So glad that serum came just in time... Tears of happiness I know.
Hugs ~ She Whispers

Comment By: Premiumlionheart on May 8, 2008 07:50:04 PM Report
Very emotional post.

You put me right through it all with you.

 

Richard

Comment By: FreeGlata on May 8, 2008 01:00:43 PM Report
Beautifully done, Graham...a heart wrenching story that I know many lived through in times past.

Glad to see you back and posting!

Hugs and smiles

Glata





 


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