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Author Name: FreeBlueyd553 17 Comments
Date Added: July 19, 2008 01:07:00 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Withered Leaves Fall
 
 
 
autumn.jpg image by blueyedsoul_cindy
 
 
 
Withered leaves fall, aimlessly to the ground
The wind blows cold, such a lonely sound
I reach out for your hand, but it's not there
Where can I find a love who cares?
 
The wind blows cold, such a lonely sound
I question where this path has wound
Fall, now fractured from the window I sit
The fire now gone that you once lit
 
I reach out for your hand, but it's not there
And search for the smile I used to wear
The days now funnel through an hourglass
My spirit fading, like the seasons pass
 
Where can I find a love who cares?
That won't look back at me, with cold blank stares
Yet, here I sit awaiting love's sweet sound
Withered leaves fall, aimlessly to the ground

 

Author's Notes:
vintage-7-3.jpg picture by blueyedsoul_cindy
 
 A Lilibonelle
Cowrite with Henry M
 
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeThe Bag Lady on July 9, 2010 03:44:46 PM Report
Loved the title right from the "get go"...and this emotion-filled Lilibonelle in tandem is awesome~!!  Such synchronicity~!! Lovely work, you two!!....Yeah, I know I am late, but with great poetry it is never too late...Duo work at it's finest....

Margaret....

Comment By: FreeAndrew on October 26, 2009 10:07:34 AM Report
I'm a little late in the my comments, but this fits in so many ways for some of the recent autumn days.  Such sad emotions, but still so understandable.

I don't know much about the style, but I know what I like, and what I like is what you write...

Comment By: FreeQuiltingLady on September 23, 2008 02:33:01 AM Report
This has a lot of feeling in it.  I think I will try a Lilibonelle. 

Patty

Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on August 23, 2008 08:02:50 PM Report
NICELY doneee, Cindy...You put a lot of sad feelings of loss into this...len
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on August 16, 2008 11:51:13 PM Report
Cindy,
 How did  I miss this??  This is so very beautiful and with such longing this love .. love is like the seasons always changing... Thank you once again for your wonderful comments
 Love you Too! ~She Whispers

Comment By: FreeChris B on August 1, 2008 01:20:58 PM Report

 


Iím not familiar with this style at all, so I can only comment on the content. I absolutely adore the repetition of the longing for the hand and the changing weather. Now, I may be searching for something that may not be there, but to me, it seems as though there is a similarity between the fall (dying of the trees, and leaves) to an apparent dying of the love (the hand is not there). Itís as though there is no preparation for the changes, love can fade fast and the seasons change without much warning. Very fine write.


Chris


Comment By: FreeRoger Bacon on July 23, 2008 01:03:16 PM Report
Good work you two.  I'm not too familiar with a lilibonelle but am now rewarded with more knowledge. 
Comment By: FreeAmy on July 20, 2008 10:11:31 AM Report
Cindy

I agree with everyone else about the pairing of you and Henry. You two are hand and glove.

My ignorant butt doesn't know what a Lilibonelle is....I will be googling.

This really is a beautful piece.

~Amy

Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on July 20, 2008 06:00:54 AM Report
This is like a villanelle Cindy - but I don't know exactly what form it is. You and Henry have made an excellent job of it. It seems to me that  is supposed to be in pentameter  - 5 beats to a line, but some lines only have 4. Here are my suggestions:-

        

Withered leaves fall, aimlessly to the ground
The wind blows cold, such a lonely sound
I reach out for your hand, but it's not there
Where can I find a love who'll always  cares?

" 'cares' is a poor  half rhyme"

 

The wind blows cold, such a lonely sound
I question where this path at last has wound
Fall, now fractured from the window I sit

"I really do not understand this line - does it mean -

'It is Autumn, now  separated from the window, I sit,'?

Anyway it has unmetrical ending and 6 beats in the line instead of 5. How about :-"

It's Fall, now fractured from the window I must sit,
The fire now gone that you once lit.

 

love

 

David

I reach out for your hand, but it's not there
And search for the smile I always used to where wear

The days now funnel through an hourglass
My spirit fading, like the seasons pass

 

Where can I find a love who cares?

That won't look back at me, with cold blank stares
Yet, here I sit awaiting love's sweet sound
Withered leaves fall, aimlessly to the ground

Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on July 20, 2008 04:09:39 AM Report
Lovely combination you two well done...Ali x
Comment By: Freecolin skilton on July 19, 2008 05:13:06 PM Report

ah Cindy my pretty lady and Henry my friend


A still piece of joy and full richness that lingers in the memory and fills your heart with the images of those warm autumn days as the leaves fall and your lover is not there, away from the magic of this time and your soul.


Beautiful write indeed.


Colinxxx


Comment By: FreeHarold Ham McLelland on July 19, 2008 12:33:34 PM Report
AWESOM write you two!!!  Henry described my feelings perfectly!!!  This should be an award winner!!!  Fireham
Comment By: FreeSteve on July 19, 2008 10:33:10 AM Report
Soft spoken images paint a beautiful picture.
Comment By: ModeratorHenry M. on July 19, 2008 09:55:54 AM Report
Cindy, I love the way this came out! It has a sort of silence to it, an underlying foreboding quality as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. Could there be a sequel in the future? Thanks so much for the privilege of writing with you Cindy.  Henry
Comment By: FreeCathy on July 19, 2008 08:13:09 AM Report
The two of you are as one when you write I couldn't tell when reading it was done by two wow your two are so very good together.. I felt such sadness and longing in your words just reached out and touched by heart.. Perfect to perfection in my opinion
.......Cathy

Comment By: Freeb doneff on July 19, 2008 05:13:11 AM Report
Hi Cindy,
This held very soft tones, kind of a shushing going on. It was lonesome and sad feeling, kind of like some Fall days are.
I think you two cooked up a lovely write here..
b

Comment By: FreeGraham Jones on July 19, 2008 03:34:14 AM Report
I read this several time Cindy and all I can think of is its so beautiful, its emotional full of sadness and longing which reaches out to the reader a true sign of the great talent you and Henry so possess, excellent work indeed~Graham.




 


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