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Author Name: Freeborderline_mary 9 Comments
Date Added: December 18, 2008 17:12:52 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Rhyming
Category: Love Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
You Volunteered

My blood is blue, like you, like you―
A rather foolish thing to do;
That liquid-pale geometry
Will never sum to you and me.
Make plans, make dreams, quote songs in reams,
Let mathematics thwart your schemes;
I volunteer my ample skill
Towards finding better time to kill.

My chalkboard's old and edged in gold,
While yours is smooth and eggshell white,
Just like your alchemist foretold―
Just like my chemist proved last night,
But you want time to solve the rhyme.
I volunteer a helping hand
To clear away my dust and grime,
So you will never understand.

Behind a haze of golds and grays,
Of marker fumes and steel arrays,
Of dusty, chalk-choked books and files
In stacks upon the gleaming tiles,
A contrary geometry
Feels sure it sums to you and me.
My blood runs blue, but unlike you,
This heart has better things to do.

Author's Notes:
I've had in the past some interesting conflicts with friends who wanted to be more than friends; this is a response to my frustration with that.  I'm trying to vary my rhyming for emphasis; not sure how it works yet.
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeRoger Bacon on December 30, 2008 06:49:56 PM Report
The rhyme works well for this reader.  There's nothing to stumble over.  Congrats on your award!
Comment By: FreeBOB on December 30, 2008 04:49:30 PM Report
A great piece of poetry, nice flow and bounce, congrats on the award, Bob :)

Comment By: FreeMoon Fairy on December 29, 2008 11:42:02 PM Report
Very good write and the flow is excellent--
Congratulations on your award.
Love this line--"Make plans, make dreams, quote songs in reams"
Good stuff!
~Tracie

Comment By: PremiumJoe McNinney on December 29, 2008 08:47:56 PM Report
A terrific piece here. I love the scheme and the flow, it rolls off the tongue. Comgrats on the award. Joe
Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on December 29, 2008 10:29:09 AM Report
Jessica:  I am so pleased for you on the Feature Poem Award.  Please continue the good writes in 2009. 

 

Lady Dragonwyck

Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on December 19, 2008 06:01:44 AM Report

Jessica - this is just wonderful - beautiful rhyme and meter - an absolute delight to read. Without the comment I would not have been sure what this was about, but now I feel really sorry for the poor blue-blooded young man who could not make your blood run red:-)


 


David


Comment By: FreeS on December 18, 2008 10:25:11 PM Report
very unique
and i agree with amy,

love the rhymes

Comment By: FreeA.P. on December 18, 2008 08:57:22 PM Report
love the way you weave rhyme effortlessly into this, unforced, no cheese, so i'd say it works quite successfully, keeps the reader aware yet not trapped in cyclical rhythm. your metaphors of science and math are intriguing and captivating. i love this line: "make plans, make dreams, quote songs in reams"
nice writing

Comment By: FreeRachel on December 18, 2008 05:13:58 PM Report
Great poem, I love it! I really love the ending, the references to math and chemistry and the repetition of  like you in the first line. Very well done. I can't wait to read more.




 


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