OK Bobby - I thought this was a very touching love poem - Rhyme and meter seem fine to me. There are one or two laces where you might polish a little - mostly I thouht uou could make the punctuation less end stopped so that it flows more smoothly:-
"Our World"
There is a place within my mind
Where bliss and joy are all I find,
A paradise that's meant for two -
This is the place I share with you.
For when you place your hand in mine
We're in a world that we design;
A place where we can always be,
Where I have you and you have me;
Where daylight fades to end our day
So we can lie and drift away;
So Where we can sleep, still hand in hand,
Where time stands still - Our Neverland.
Where There morning makes my dreams come true,
For dawn reveals I'm still with you -
Our perfect sun, our perfect sky,
Our perfect world, just you and I.
Either way Iam sure she will love it!
David
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