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Author Name: Freejohncarter 2 Comments
Date Added: July 06, 2009 13:07:13 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Love Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Chasing Kites
Chasing Kites
 
My cares just fly away
A Kite string snapped.
She is as free as the wind
Wild and wonderfull.
A smile on a beach
Looking for starfish
Running into the waves
When they recede
Retreating giggles
As pretty as forget me not
Wild as the wind
She flows inside me
And my cares
Just fly away.
 
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on July 7, 2009 01:17:27 AM Report
"As pretty as forget me not

Wild as the wind"...hi John, just a suggestion--consider this poem without these lines. The first is a repetition of what has already been said earlier and the second is imagery not associated with the beach theme. Other than that...I really like the kite string snapping being representative of your cares just flying away. "My cares just fly away"...this is where you make repetition work for you--the opening line and then the closing..."
And my cares

Just fly away." I felt as if I'd been lifted (like that kite) and set down softly. I was taken with the lovely feeling of total surrender in this poem--the giving of oneself over to another. "She flows inside me"...mmmm, so nice--I must say this line really grabbed me. Very satisfying work John--love it!

 

~Barbara~

Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on July 6, 2009 06:39:09 PM Report
A free as the flying kites... In a cool breeze...
Laughter in the wind.. Sunshine on your face ...
 Sounds like love to me.....
 (( Ahhhhh... Love fly's
 ~ Always ~ She Whispers





 


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