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Author Name: FreeThoughts 5 Comments
Date Added: August 31, 2009 08:08:13 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Short Stories Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
The Child That Could Have Been *SHORT STORY*

I’m not ready to be a father

I have dreams… I even made a list

Finish school, build a career

This blind sighted me

I hardly ever expected this

I can hardly take care of my self

How could I take care of you?

Your mother told me she missed her period

I was so scared

I’d shake uncontrollably

Just at the thought of you

Of being a father, right then and there

No say in the matter

Just knowing one day you’d be here

I held your mother's hand

A move I sorta regret

She damn near broke my fingers off

But what option did I really have

It was either a broken hand or leave with a broken neck

The day I dreaded

For 9 long months

It all came down to this

I just wanted to get it over with

And accept that I was having a kid

You seemed like a burden

Before you ever became to be

It wasn’t until I held you for the first time

That I realized you were the biggest part of me

I couldn’t believe it

You were finally here

10 fingers, 10 toes… I can’t believe they’re all there

My daughter, my beautiful baby girl

You were my everything

You were my world

I named you “Juliet”

After my grandmother

I wish you could have met her

She passed before you were born

Damn… you would have loved her

I taught you to sing

You struggled at first to read

You came home everyday from pre-school

Saying “Daddy read to me!”

I’d watch you play

And wonder why I ever dreaded this blessing in disguise

You were everything I wish I was

When I got lost in your eyes

You’d run about

And your beautiful brunette hair would fly

I knew some day a boy would break your heart

No worries though, daddy would make sure he wouldn’t survive

You loved playing with the dogs at the park

You always begged me to get one after we got home

We couldn’t afford it

I threw away my career, I did it all for you

I made a decent living working the late night shifts doing security

I settled because I had to provide

So there wasn’t much I could do

You lowered your head

Because somehow even you knew

To make it up to you

I took you to the zoo

You loved the animals

I told you they were all special in there own ways

I explained to you they’re traits

As we passed by each cage

The lion is proud

The monkeys love fooling around

The peacock is cocky

And the giraffe never makes a sound

Your eyes glowed

At the wonders of the world

You wouldn’t let me carry you anymore

You insisted you were a big girl

Daddy knew everything

He did no wrong in your eyes

He was the world to you

But you wondered

And looked damn near through my soul

As you looked me up in the face

“Daddy what is your trait?”

I never asked my self that

I never questioned fate

Yet this 4 year old child

Asked me this on a father daughter outing

I honestly found it astounding that she could make a grown man think

All these thoughts rushed within me

Before I could even blink

I knelt down, and put my hands on your cheeks

You are everything daddy prayed you would ever be

My trait, my characteristic

Was, loving you in a way that was ever so simplistic

You fell I picked you up

Helped you out when you felt stuck

My trait sweetheart was showing you unconditional love

I told you to hold that thought I was getting a call

It was your Mom

She sounded relieved

“What is it?” I asked

She told me she had her period at 3…

I came back to reality

I felt like I was free

I wasn’t going to be a father

I felt this relief

My dreams and ambitions remain intact

Yet for some odd reason I felt a slight touch of bitter grief

The thought of you once terrified me

But then I accepted that you could happen

I had a daughter

I loved her like the ocean

Deep and as far as the eyes could see

My love for you was limitless

You were my sunshine

The reason I smiled everyday

I remembered birthdays that never happened

Putting band-aids on scraped knees

Playing in the park and climbing in trees

I never told you

That when we played connect four

I would always let you win

I loved that little girl

With all my heart

Life made sense

Then it slowly fell apart

When I do have a baby girl

I hope she’s a mirror image of you

I hope she’s your twin

But for now you will always be

The child that could have been…

Author's Notes:
A little lengthy yes I know. I wrote this piece to perform at a poetry slam in the near future, If I get a recording of me performing it I'll share a link to it.

Enjoy :)

Was young and had a scare, Definitely not ready to have a child and didn't want one... But I think when I accepted it in my mind that it might happen I assume roles and responsibilities within my mind. And it all played out. Glad it didn't happen when it did, It'll happen when I'm ready.
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeBlack on September 25, 2009 03:10:40 AM Report
Wow Sam... Just Wow... That's sad in the best kind of way. To think your mind can take you places like that, and a simple phone call brought you back. You lived 4 years into the future that never happened... And so vividly. Before I finished I actually thought you had a daughter. Then she left... And even though neither of us ever knew her, I feel like the world just suffered a great loss. Way to touch the reader man. I have no idea if you've done the Slam or not, but there won't be a dry eye in the house when you're done. I'll comment on the other poems later, I need to find a tissue.
Comment By: PremiumAngelface on August 31, 2009 02:21:54 PM Report
Sam, someday you will make a wonderful daddy! I can tell in your words! It's easy  just to lay with a girl, and have a baby. Most any man can do it! But it takes a real man, willing to put the effort into it everyday, to be a real Father! You have the ability! This write brought tears to my eyes! I really enjoyed the write! Don't rush into having a baby! Especially if you are not stable finically! It takes alot of patience, time and money to raise a child! All children deserve to be loved and shown they are loved, everyday of their life! They are God's children, his angels. Sent to us, for a purpose! Just like God gives us the ability to have the best life posibile.. God expects us, to do just the same, for our children! Keep up the wonderful work! Many Blessings to you in your future of becoming a Father someday!

 

Angelface

Comment By: FreeThe Bag Lady on August 31, 2009 10:49:38 AM Report
Sam....LOVED this~!  And, it will make an excellent slam presentation~!!  I wish you the very best at the slam....
Margaret.....the Baglady

Comment By: TrialSarah on August 31, 2009 10:27:27 AM Report
  This reminds of when I was a kid. My daddy was my closest buddy and is. He would do anything for me. I wound him on my little finger. We loved each other so much but unfortunately, our childish side has grown up and can no longer do some foolish stuff we do then.

 

You penned that right. Nice piece of art it was!

Comment By: PremiumLinda Jo on August 31, 2009 09:11:58 AM Report
dont apologize for its length...can honestly say i loved every word...but now i am speechless and in tears...is it the baby girl we never had?  or your tender feelings...and oh so real experiences with your precious baby girl that touches us so?  beautifully written... so deserving of recognition...and one more thing...your're gonna make a great dad!




 


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