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Author Name: Premiumtinadee 1 Comments
Date Added: March 20, 2010 23:03:33 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Broken Hearts Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Carried Away
The wispy clouds carrying my dreams
The rain and wind take them away
My heart and soul silently screams
The pain will forever stay
When apart loneliness careens

The whispers continue to haunt my soul
Should we be forever together
Separately, we cannot be whole
Could there ever be another
Desperately, pain takes its toll

Not thinking about the next tomorrow
My desires you continue to spurn
Today is gone,  please take my sorrow
The fires in my heart forever burn
May I be strong, will my lover follow



Without the fifth line

The wispy clouds carrying my dreams
The rain and wind take them away
My heart and soul silently screams
The pain will forever stay

The whispers continue to haunt my soul
Should we be forever together
Separately, we cannot be whole
Could there ever be another

Not thinking about the next tomorrow
My desires you continue to spurn
Today is gone,  please take my sorrow
The fires in my heart forever burn

Author's Notes:
I'm experimenting with rhyme and rhythm and i wrote the poem with five lines originally.  I have difficulty writing anything that is not four lines, so i wanted to give it a try.  I also want to try rhyming at the beginning as well as well as the end.  But i feel the five line makes the poem weak.
What do you think? I think I like the second one.
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeAminath Agleema on March 21, 2010 02:51:52 AM Report
this is a great poem




 


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