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Author Name: FreeLen 3 Comments
Date Added: March 04, 2012 00:03:06 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Humor Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
~ Richie Rich Romney speaks out~
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney recently held a campaign speech in a football stadium in Flattax Michigan. The event held in a stadium designed to seat four thousand fans was attended only by the candidate, his lovely wife, and three yawning reporters from small, local radio stations. Since a much larger audience was expected, Romney's crack staff decided to take shelter from the freezing winds in the men's locker room for the gala political event.

***

In his opening statement, Romney said, "Iím so thrilled to be back in my home state of Michigan! The trees here arenít so short that I trip over them, but not so tall that a bird might crap on my $40,000 dollar suit and ruin it. ~Herman-Cain-like smile~ "The trees here n Michigan are just the right height!..I love lakes! I love big lakes, but especially the teeny-weenie lakes. Theyíre so dang cute, dontcha think?...I love CARS!... I know when Wall Street and the auto industry were going under, I voted to bail out Wall Street, but went on record as saying we should let Detroit go bankrupt. Some of you have characterized my recent heartfelt love for the American auto industry as a flip-flop. Nothing could be further from the truth.  Make no mistakeÖI LOVE American cars! I own a Chevy pickup and a Ford Mustang. My wife drives, well, a couple-a Cadillacs, actually. That proves we are 100% behind American-made cars!  I've even given up my tailored business suits recently to wear blue jeans and plaid shirts to prove that I can relate to all of you little people who make the cars I adore. I LOVE Michaganders! You are all the right height and have wonderful lakes!

{REPORTER NO. 1}

"Governor, didnít you recently tell CNN that you are not concerned about the very poor?Ē

{Romney}

"I must admit that I have never actually met a poor person, but I have close friends who own a lot of property in slum areas across this great land of ours. They assure me that these dregs of society are very grateful to have a leaky roof over their lice-ridden heads. Let's face it...With food stamps, drug peddling and carjackings, they are somewhat able to put food on the table, most of the time. My good  friends also assure me that these nigÖI mean, unemployed poor are in the position they chose to be in. Why should I be concerned about these uneducated, unproductive people? Iím also told they spend most of their time sitting on their  porches smoking crack instead of actively seeking high-paying jobs.Ē

{Reporter No. 2}

"Governor, even though your {reported} income has been verified at $42.7 million dollars over the last two years, didnít you recently joke with unemployed workers in Florida that you too are unemployed?"

"That's True.~heh heh~ A large portion of my income comes from investments and my many speaking engagements. I believe that means I can relate to those unemployed bums because I've never actually had a real job. Let me tell you, trying to keep up with the vast amounts of money rolling in from my many investments and the interest generated from all my offshore banking accounts leaves me very little time for seeking a job.Ē

{Reporter No. 3}

"Governor, in January you told a group of supporters that you like being able to fire people. Can you tell me just what you enjoy most about firing people?Ē

{Romney} ~ chuckling~

"I must admit I was pretty tired that day. Perhaps my language was a bit harsh. What I really meant to say was that I like being able to DISCHARGE people. I mean, what would be the point in having the power to discharge people if you never actually used it?Ē

"Governor, the Blunt Amendment would have allowed employers providing health insurance not to cover any treatment they find morally objectionable. That amendment has since been defeated. At first you said you did not support the amendment, saying, "I'm not for that bill. The idea of presidential candidates getting into questions about contraception within a relationship between a man and a woman, a husband and wife...Iím not going there."

{Reporter}

"But within a few hours, you completely reversed your opinion with the statement, "I didnít understand his question. Of COURSE I support the Blunt Amendment. I thought he was talking about some state law that prevented people from getting contraception, so I was simply misunderstood the question, and of COURSE I support the Blunt amendment, I think."

{Reporter No. 1}

"Mr. Romney, last week at the Daytona Race Track, you made a campaign stop where you were asked by an AP reporter if you followed NASCAR racing. Your response was to say that you didnít follow the sport as much as some of its most ardent fans, but you do have some great friends who are NASCAR team owners. Then you went on to make fun of a group of NASCAR fans because they were wearing inexpensive parkas in the rain. Do you believe such statements help you in your attempt to be seen as a regular guy and one of the people?

{Romney} ~long pause~

"Did I tell you that my wife drives a couple-a American-made Cadillacs?" {stiff smile}  "I had an Irish-American dog too until he ran away...Despite accusations by those red Commie dog-huggers taking over  this troubled nation, I swear Seamus completely enjoyed the fresh air on that ride, strapped to the top of the family station wagon during that twelve-hour trip. I suspect Seamus had pre-existing mental issues, causing him to bolt and run off after being released from his cage."




Author's Notes:
GOP....Good luck on finding a "Not Mitt" candidate who doesn't have more mental issued than Seamus. :o)

{Newt Gingrich was unavailable for comment, due to time constrictions caused by his heroic efforts to establish his moon colony}
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeRegina Woiler on March 5, 2012 06:21:11 AM Report
I am in MI (and live here) and am kissing you right now after reading this write.  SO much more to say, in time, in time....


Comment By: FreeTomahawk on March 4, 2012 07:32:38 AM Report


So, that's why you took out the original, you wanted to polish it up. Okay, that's cool, still the same buffoons running, still the same lack of viable remedies to our problems. Good work, Len.


 


Len

Comment By: FreeGraham Jones on March 4, 2012 03:59:22 AM Report
Is this for real or what if its true he's a moron at best if not then yes its extremely funny~Graham.




 


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