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Author Name: FreeFirestoneFeinberg 8 Comments
Date Added: August 01, 2012 08:08:24 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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bh 7/29/12


You died, mother, and a world died with you. That was when I learned to smoke cigarettes. And I stood upon rocks by the rapids At the same place where I had nearly drowned Many days before and I had cried out For help but no one heard me and I saved Myself yet embarrased by my weakness My failure at manhood my neediness.
And now, a half-century later, I Am standing still on the flat rocks of Then. No effort it takes to inhale the smoke Of the bastard years as they continue To swell amidst the churning of driven Waters. And I will die once silently.

Author's Notes:
Mother died the day after my fourteenth birthday -- on Jan. 2, 1965..  Not one day has gone by since then when I haven't thought of her.  My childhood wasn't lovely.  Among other things, I suffered some abuse: both physical and psychological -- in addition to the psychiatric problems I was born with..  Mommy was my champion.  She taught me innumerable things -- about many subjects.  She died of breast cancer -- metastasized -- at age 44 -- after being sick for 7 years.  The imprint of the past stays with me.  I have never been able to shed the coat of Was.  --David
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Comment By: Freemaggie lopez sherry wilbur on August 17, 2012 10:03:15 AM Report
This poem reaches out and grabs my heart. Your mother really never left she just went somewhere she could look over you without pain. I sometimes wish my oldest diego would see how much moomy is here for him while he shuts everyone out. I love this poem. very heartfelt . very you! Always maggie.
Comment By: FreeKymberly Donn on August 4, 2012 04:11:19 PM Report
Your loss is palpable here Dave, even after so many years. Time is often your best friend AND your worse enemy. 


Comment By: FreeDirk Kruger on August 4, 2012 10:09:56 AM Report
sad story, but you are still here, shows who you are

Comment By: FreePamela A. Lamppa on August 1, 2012 09:10:59 PM Report
There is such tenderness in your loss and anger at having missed those years with your Mother.  No one can ever replace "Mother".  She will always be the warmth of the womb, the tender smile, the cradling embrace.  Beautiful work here my friend.  I am so sorry for your loss.  ~Pamela 
Comment By: FreeTim on August 1, 2012 04:06:41 PM Report
A very powerful poem. My mom died ten years ago and it seems like such a short time has passed. I know a little about what you're going through. I too found the shore to walk down. We must go on, as hard as it is. Keep writing.
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on August 1, 2012 03:42:57 PM Report

Such sadness in this poem how it reaches out in exhaustion of a wasted past for you .

And for that I am sorry....Whaaaat doesn't kill you makes you even stronger...

.But it has made the man of today and that's a lot to be proud

of your a surviver my dear

 LOve ~ India

Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on August 1, 2012 09:07:46 AM Report
David: a very profound write.  I so feel your pain.  You are a wonderful strong person and you have made YOU the GREAT man you are today.  Memories of your Mom help you become and continue to strengthen yourself. 

Lady D

Comment By: FreeTomahawk on August 1, 2012 08:47:15 AM Report

Don't let your memories kill you, dude, you can make new memories, with your wife and family. I lost my mom, too, five years ago and I miss her so damn much. Life goes on, so must we, Fireman, that's the way our moms and G-D want it. L'Chaim!




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