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Author Name: PremiumByronBabe 9 Comments
Date Added: October 13, 2012 10:10:58 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Rhyming
Category: General Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Melancholy Blue

When you've got a case of sorrow

looking for a way to face tomorrow

take a right hand turn on the avenue

to a little place called Melancholy Blue


There's not much going on here 

in the dim and smoky atmosphere

patrons try to drink away their woe

by the murky light of the neon's glow


To busy staring into their glass

to notice the approaching impasse

husky voice from the jukebox

someone from the school of hard knocks


Men and women, young and old

the price for staying can't be extolled

they bid farewell to all they once knew 

there's no return from Melancholy Blue

Author's Notes:
This is an old one that's been given a major overhaul. Here's the the poem in its original form.

Go down the road, about a mile or two
you'll come to the place called Melancholy Blue.

There's not much going on here
people staring in the mirror.

To busy with their glass
to notice the impasse.

Men and women, young and old
the price for staying is tenfold.

There's no return from Melancholy Blue,
they bid the world a final adieu.
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'Melancholy Blue' Copyright © Kymberly Donn
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on January 17, 2013 06:13:13 PM Report
Hey, Kym...You have the makings of a great Blues number here. I'll send you my version by PM...GREAT LINES!!  Unca len
Comment By: FreeTimespell on October 27, 2012 09:35:31 PM Report
Authors notes...

:0)

~T.S~


Comment By: FreeAdri on October 15, 2012 02:58:38 AM Report
Like the revamp better. Great work all round 
Adri 

Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on October 14, 2012 08:18:43 PM Report
I thought the patrons would look like zombies staring into the mirror so the revised copy is greatly improved in my opinion. The revised poem has a fuller bar room atmosphere.



~Barbara D.~


Comment By: FreeFirestone Feinberg on October 14, 2012 12:14:38 PM Report
A special poem.  So descriptive.  So much feeling.  I picture a roadside tavern.  This is one heck of a piece.  So glad you re-did it -- I think it's much better -- fuller -- now.  --David
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on October 13, 2012 09:43:06 PM Report


Oh... you are priceless with this!! *****

 YOu are amazing...

Comment By: PremiumJoe McNinney on October 13, 2012 09:15:38 PM Report
Billy Joel, meets the Eagles meets Kym! Terrific piece of writing.............song writing too!
Comment By: Freeken on October 13, 2012 06:53:58 PM Report
I think I skirted this place once or twice along the way

there are merits to both versions the old has brevity which can leave some interpretations open; but the second is fuller and has better flow and the ending is much stronger



nice work and thanks for offering a view of the process it is helpful.



ken


Comment By: FreeTomahawk on October 13, 2012 10:42:24 AM Report


Nice revival, Kym, the new form is a lot better....good work!


 


Len





 


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