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Author Name: Freealligator 3 Comments
Date Added: October 15, 2003 18:10:53 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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close to the chimney
there remains still a bit of ash
and the gray dust blew
but with a bitter whistle
to sharpen death lying deep inside
and the dark ghost flew all around t
rying still to become real
but in vain,
his shadow got mixed up with ash.
Close to the chimney
the singing bird came to sit but upon the gloom of the end
his wings did move to guide him away
to another green land.
Close to the chimney
the old man crassed his beard
 doubting no more about his journey
another travel to heavens
when slowly his chair did shake
his cigratte fell down.
 leaving again another pieces of ash....
Author's Notes:
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'Chimney' Copyright © Hanane
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Comment By: FreeLeila on September 7, 2009 11:22:51 PM Report
Hello Hanane,

What a nice poem you wrote. Especially the link between the first and the last line with ash. Ash also indicates a dead person who burried in soil- in  man's dream- and you are posing this situation well in your poem. you wrote basically good. However, It sounds strange why you attached the second stanza!!

You can just link to an old man who died, his sprit, and ash which plays a significant role in expresseng a dream and relationship between sleep and death . . You  probebly show his sprit be like a bird in your poem, yes? 

Comment By: on June 4, 2004 07:20:40 PM Report
as ann said, very haunting.. beautiful also..
Comment By: TrialAnn on October 15, 2003 08:50:17 PM Report
This is a very haunting and well written piece.


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