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Author Name: FreeMysticMoons 2 Comments
Date Added: January 02, 2018 00:01:46 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Free Verse
Category: Rants/Venting Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
4:06 am
i hate a lot of things
and one day i was telling this to my therapist.
i told her, i hate how i hate so much, and she asked.
what do you hate exact;y?
so with a typical response i answer
 My body.
bu what do you really hate?
i never really knew the answer to this question at the time but 
4 days later and 4 hours past midnight the answer came to me.
i am 115 pounds and i hate my stomach some days and i hate how 
it will look in 10 years from now.
i hate my thighs, not all of them just the small area that
connects my private area to the rest of my thigh.
i hate my hips and how they indent to form above what is
the smallest muffin top known to man.
and i also hate my feet. 
i can now imagine a conversation with her
and what she would be asking me next
is that all you hate?
no. i hate a lot of things actually.
i hate the perception of myself and i hate my self motivation,
i hate the person ive become, i hare my future because i know
that it too will be a let down like everything else life has thrown at me.
i hate my birthday
i hate the days i cant get out of bed because he sadness and
insecurity is drawing me back in.
i hate my friends, i hate most of my peers, 
i hate people i dont even know because i like them more than i like myself.
i hate that i cant truly express how i feel to anyone without thinking they dont care.
i used to hate my mom until i realized she was only doing the things she did because she actually did care
and now i hate myself for ever hating her.
i hate the idea of therapy.
because if i cant tell my family and friends whats wrong why will i be able to tell a stranger?
 i hate speaking out loud because my mouth moves faster then my brain and the words
just never come out right.
 
The list can go on and on; but the thing i hate most is that i hate that people hate me. because i hate, so much.

Author's Notes:
if any one has taken the time of day to read what i have to say i would like to say thank you. the idea behind this is that its like a slam poetry from me to me. ive never shared anything like this before and for those of you who read it i hope you enjoyed it. 
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'4:06 am' Copyright © Brooke McCleary
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeDean on March 3, 2018 01:35:30 AM Report

Brooke, welcome to the CP. I completely agree with what Moonie said, plus, I would replace every 'hate' with the word 'love' and read it aloud many times over. It is extremely honest and brave of you to write such daring and compelling piece. Everybody is different and there is always a way of going forward and improving things. Nobody's perfect, and will never will be. The ones who look or try to present themselves as perfect, are the most imperfect ones inside. Your honesty is the most powerful asset you have and it'll drive you forward if you replace every 'hate' with the word 'love'. The first rule of life is you should really love yourself in a non-selfish way no matter what, and then you'll be able to love others.

Enjoyed it.

~Dean

Comment By: FreeMoonStar on January 2, 2018 01:45:14 PM Report

Hi!!

First let me introduce myself, I hope by MoonStar, but many call me Moonie. 

I'm really glad I went straight for this as soon as I came on. Been a long time since I've been here, last night was the first in God knows how long.. So don't know many of the newcomers... 

Okay to this... Want to know something? I like this! Truly do!

I can understand the feelings in each word. The honesty sounding out, smashing by the way, grabs at you. If someone actually took the time to really read this that is! 

They say we write to release a part of us always hidden deep. Yep, truth! For we all have these feelings you described, some not as deep or often, others refusing to admit it.... Hmm mm hmm... Good for the soul, the pen flowing, words flying... 

Sweet,

Moonie

 





 


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