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Author Name: Freedyoung 14 Comments
Date Added: October 24, 2003 17:10:14 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Last Words to the Ocean
At dawn, he awoke to the roaring sea.
The sun outside was red.
Slowly he rose with aching bones
To the edge of his rickety bed.

"Good morning, old man," he said to the water
That crashed outside his home.
"Who shall win our age-old fight today?"
He asked the foam.

As if to answer, a wave came down
Against his rusty skiff.
With motions robotic from years of practice,
He set himself adrift.

Painfully gaining mile upon mile
He wondered at his cause.
Looking on the eternal horizon,
He found a place to pause.

Against the background of the sun
He saw the marlins fly.
"How like birds they are."
He said to the greedy sky.

"My friend," he said to the darkening waters,
"I think I'll rest awhile."
And covering his eyes with his hat
He laid down with a smile.

With a lonely, ancient song
The sea would take him in.
And keeping him forever,
Their age-old fight would end.
Author's Notes:

 

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Comments:
Comment By: ModeratorJillian K. Alexis on October 8, 2006 02:15:49 AM Report
Congratulations Dori for winning a featured poem of the week award...Hugz...Jillian
Comment By: FreeTobi on October 7, 2006 12:55:31 PM Report
A stunning piece of imagery here. One can feel the soothing waves rocking this gentle soul. I love how you created a battle, yet kept it as a friendly adversary. An excellent gem, congrats on the award.

Comment By: FreeWith pain comes strength on October 6, 2006 02:29:39 PM Report
Congratulations on your award

 

Nik

=-D

Comment By: FreeNathaniel on October 5, 2006 06:56:46 PM Report
Very Very Good,  I liked it very much, Congrats on your award.

Nate

Comment By: FreeHannah Mae on October 4, 2006 12:02:33 AM Report
Beautiful! fantastic imagery and feeling

 

Congrats

~Shanna

Comment By: FreeMoon Fairy on October 3, 2006 12:39:41 AM Report
A wonderful story and write Dori~
Just lovely..congratulations on your award!
~Tracie

Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on October 2, 2006 11:18:15 PM Report

Lovely story and phrasing! Congratulations Dori!! =))


~Barbara~


Comment By: FreeMicky McMaster on October 2, 2006 08:01:50 PM Report
Dori,Congratulations on your feature award !
has an ancient feel to the tale
very nicely done !

Micky

Comment By: PremiumRobertM on October 2, 2006 05:49:31 PM Report
An epic told in microcosm here. Nicely conceived and executed. Congratulation on this award.  RM.
Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on October 1, 2006 07:36:15 PM Report
Dori:  Congratulations on your Feature Poem Award -- very deserving.

 

 

Lady D

Comment By: FreeAngelique on October 1, 2006 07:31:58 PM Report
Beautiful poem with wonderful imagery. I could almost smell the salty air. Congratulations on the award.
Comment By: FreeSharon Jorcil James on September 17, 2004 03:18:09 PM Report
I'll have to agree with Mary. This reminds me of "old man and the sea". A very creative poem about a mariner

Sharon Jorcil-James
Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on April 15, 2004 05:54:46 PM Report
This work reminds me of Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea". It has the feel of the "age-old fight" of man and sea. "Motions robotic"? Now I really like that phrase. "Motions robotic." Isn't that great? And what a way for a sailor to spend his last day. This is wonderful. Some really nice stuff pops into your head. Dori. ML
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on October 24, 2003 05:12:07 PM Report
I THINK ITS GREAT WE NEED TO DO THIS...INDIA-SHE




 


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