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Author Name: FreeMarkS 22 Comments
Date Added: October 14, 2009 07:10:17 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Humor Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Redneck Wedding
Redneck Wedding


Dearly Beloved...and you too Earl;
We have all gathered here together,
In everyone’s favorite bingo church,
To hitch these young-uns up forever!

Let me hear you all say yea-ya!
Luke here has finally gotten wise;
He dumped that city girl hussy,
And here we are; what a surprise.

Rumor has it, she slept around!
An adulterous woman was she!
She wasn’t very good in bed,
At least that’s what most men told me.

She wasn’t without her talents though.
She once sucked an ice cube through a straw!
A skill only a city girl would have,
The men who witnessed it were in awe!

Forgive me if I seem distracted.
Let’s get back to the affairs at hand.
Did I say affairs? My mistake.
I hope you all try to understand.

Luke, do you take your cousin Peaches
To be your lawfully wedded wife?
Do you promise to kiss her butt,
For the rest of your natural life?

Will you love, honor and respect her,
Even when she does nothing but nag?
Will you leave the toilet seat down
Now and until she’s an old hag?

And Peaches, will you have sex with Luke
Even when you’re not in the mood?
Get a Martha Stewart cookbook,
And try to fix this boy some real food?

Will you please learn that trick with the straw?
And you know my number if you do.
Now, let’s get this thing over with,
So we can start that barbeque!

Georgie, catch that chicken with the rings!
Be careful on that foot, if you can.
You’re lucky Luke only shot you there.
This way, you can still be his best man!

Okay boys, you’d best cock your rifles!
This time, you better aim for the head!
Anyone out there have a reason
Why this couple should not be wed?

Anyone? Alright, put em down boys.
I know, it is a big bummer;
But you still might get to shoot someone
When the tourists arrive this summer!

Now, by the authority of the church,
And the fact that I can smell that meat,
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Now kiss your bride so we can eat!

End.
Author's Notes:

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'Redneck Wedding' Copyright © Mark Spencer
Copyright is property of the above author or group. Reproduction in whole or in part is strictly prohibited.
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Comments:
Comment By: Freetraci on October 14, 2009 02:16:19 PM Report

I can see why the award, very funy and well wrote..I laughed and enjoyed it very much..


Comment By: FreeAngelface on October 14, 2009 10:37:19 AM Report
Big oops!!!!!!!!! I forgot to say Congrads on your award!!

 

Angelface

Comment By: FreeAngelface on October 14, 2009 10:36:27 AM Report

Well my goodness.. Thank God I didn't have a redneck wedding! lol. Mark you a hoot! Always got something your cooking up! I love your humor!


Angelface


Comment By: Freee. Gene Myers on October 14, 2009 09:51:27 AM Report
Most comments I seen for a poem since I've been in here and well worth the credits.  Reminds me of a wedding I went to in texas.  Never capitalize texas ... makes them mad.         Wonderful gut hurting laugh,
Loved it     gene
Comment By: Freecarrie packard on April 16, 2008 02:53:11 PM Report
hill billy arous    lol
Comment By: on June 2, 2007 04:59:37 PM Report
lol
Comment By: FreeDan on February 19, 2005 06:18:24 AM Report
LOL I love this write. This brought a smile to my face. You are truly a great poet.

~DMAC~
Comment By: FreeGlata on July 20, 2004 08:44:49 AM Report
WELL deserving of the award! Wish the "Redneck Divorce" had gotten one, as well! Laughing my butt off!!!

Wonderful job
Glata
Comment By: FreeKatrina Leonna on March 28, 2004 04:27:26 PM Report
funniest thing ive read in a while..thanx for the good laugh. =)
Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on March 26, 2004 01:33:50 PM Report
Yea-ya! Sounds right to me. Very good, Mark. ML
Comment By: FreeMegan Catherine on March 26, 2004 01:07:42 PM Report
This was a lot of fun. Good job.
Meg
Comment By: Freejoia on March 25, 2004 08:15:40 PM Report
Rednecks can be casual about most anything. Good read, funny. joia
Comment By: FreeBlack RosedPanther on March 23, 2004 01:21:18 PM Report
this poem is hilarious! my friend just fell of her chair when i read it to her.... very good poem...
*-Dana-*
Comment By: FreeStarr on March 22, 2004 08:48:29 PM Report
this is so adorable.... laughing my rear off still....funny
starr
Comment By: FreeMelody on March 22, 2004 12:31:24 PM Report
How funny, I can't stop laughing. Loved it. Melody
Comment By: FreePhil on March 22, 2004 05:23:40 AM Report
its a nice poem. Made me smile. Nice one!


Phil
Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on February 10, 2004 08:56:56 PM Report
Mark, very well written and soooooo cute!!!!
Thanks for a good laugh....


Lady Dragonwyck
Comment By: Freeshadow on January 31, 2004 01:10:53 PM Report
LMAOOOOO!!! THIS is going into my favs.....LMAOOOO! Mark, this is without a doubt an EXCELLENT read and write! I was rolling over LMAO the whole way! definately a ***** poem all the way! Keep them coming. I really enjoyed this one.
shadow
Comment By: FreeBeautiful Hatred on January 31, 2004 09:19:28 AM Report
i love this! this was great! *my dads a redneck very much* youve gota have talent to write like that!
~maggie~
Comment By: PremiumBruce A. Peaslee on January 31, 2004 08:24:33 AM Report
Mark This was a wonderfully funny poem, I live in the midst of a host of rednecks and I believe this actually happens. LOL Excellent Write. ---Poetrydad--
Comment By: on January 30, 2004 10:27:40 PM Report
lmfao that was great
Comment By: Premiumwislar on January 30, 2004 10:23:30 PM Report
hahahahahaahahah, loved it Mark, just wonderful

wislar




 


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