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Author Name: FreeJakeInAZ 7 Comments
Date Added: June 09, 2004 05:06:36 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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In My Dreams
In my heart I see her smiling
Even though my arms won’t reach
All my thoughts of her compiling
And I keep them with me, each

In my sleep I see her spinning
Arms outstretched and chin up high
Rosie cheeks are frozen, grinning
Like she knows that she can fly

In my dreams I see her sleeping
Soft and silent by my side
All these thoughts of her come creeping
So I take them for a ride

In my mind I see her swimming
Skin like silk reflecting light
To the top, my feelings brimming
Here with me but out of sight

In my world I see her present
Even though she isn’t near
But I find the thought so pleasant
That I like to think she’s here
Author's Notes:
I had a hard time with the order of this piece so if you think it should be redone, let me know :) Otherwise, any suggestion is welcome!
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'In My Dreams' Copyright © Jake R. Parsons
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Comments:
Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on June 28, 2004 10:31:53 PM Report
This is lovely. Such loving feelings, such beautiful imagery, so well expressed. . Brother, that's love. ML
Comment By: FreeJenn on June 11, 2004 01:26:00 AM Report
another lovely piece!! You never cease to amaze me....Awesome job..the rhyme and rhythm was great!! Good job buddy!!!
Comment By: Freemelanie del valle on June 10, 2004 01:50:32 AM Report
i dont think this is a light poem
reasons: (verse 2) person appears to have force of a plane, affronts "frozen" but perseveres in a self-confident manner
(verse 4) impression of phosphorence / incandescense ....contrast with out of sight (sort of soul-ish) and the concept of feelings brimming bring to mind that since she is swimming, she is in fact bathing in your feelings... nope, would not say light poetry at all.... :) but then again it all depends on what point you were trying to make: i think it's clever... tell me if i caught it or if i am missing the point... i am curious now????!!!! :)
Comment By: Freemelanie del valle on June 9, 2004 11:17:01 PM Report
i think it's beautiful and that the metaphors are great myself - wouldnt change anything that i can see!
Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on June 9, 2004 06:00:15 PM Report
These lovely dreams are expressed in a soft and sincere way! Very nice Jake! =))

~Barbara~
Comment By: FreeLizzie on June 9, 2004 05:14:17 PM Report
Wow.. I read this and some of your other poems.. And you write really well! This poem is great as is.. Nice job!
~Love, Lizzie~
Comment By: Freetiffy on June 9, 2004 05:50:11 AM Report
lovely!i like to think positive...dreams r as important as reality...so better make them pleasent as it is reality sometimes can b harsh..;)keep up the good work...




 


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