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Author Name: FreeSavanahB 26 Comments
Date Added: July 25, 2004 23:07:33 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Are You in There Old Woman
You lay beneath the sheet quiet, still, unmoving
The time of youth, beauty and vigor long past
Your withered skin pale almost transparent in your sleep
Your face naught but a blank and empty mask

Are you in there old woman? Where have you gone?

I kneel before you in an effort to make you see me
I bend and lean to place my face before your eyes
You see through me to some far and distant vision
You`ve gone where I can not follow, something in me dies

Are you in there old woman? Where have you gone?

Do you see the stark, empty, white hospital wall
Do the smell and fumes of antiseptic burn your senses
Or are you in a cool and flowered mountain meadow
Perhaps a seaside cottage complete with picket fences

Are you in there old woman? Where have you gone?

Does time flow by in gentle happy hours where you are
As you stroll across your meadow or warm beach sand
Is it just those of us who watch each breath rise and fall
Who feel the empty hours and each tick of the second hand

Are you in there old woman? Where have you gone?

I come each day to comb your hair and wash your empty face
I bring fresh flowers in cheery pots to grace your window sills
I have no certain knowledge of what you know, feel and hear
I read aloud your favorite book ‘The Shepard of the Hills’

I`m waiting here for you old woman. Are you coming back?
Author's Notes:
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'Are You in There Old Woman' Copyright © SavanahB
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Comments:
Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on July 19, 2005 05:53:06 PM Report
Jude, this is such a heartbreaker. Everyone who loves an old woman has, or will have this to go through. It is the saddest of sads to sit with a sick or dying old person and not be able to communicate. I've experienced this more than once. You hit all the bases, kid. Well done. ML
Comment By: FreeRobert Neal on June 10, 2005 12:09:03 AM Report
Devotion, loss, questions... and a hopeful vision of something beyond this existance ... well done and congratulations.
Comment By: FreePia Andersson on April 7, 2005 12:31:06 PM Report
A beautiful different poem about real life and real people Genuine and touching, but not in the usual way ..Excellent With love Pia PS Thank you for your review of my poem Starboy
Comment By: Freejag on March 26, 2005 02:09:01 AM Report
Very surreal bittersweet poem. I'm assuming it's caring for a comatose woman or bed ridden one. It a revealing poem too about maybe what is important to you.
Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on September 1, 2004 09:34:01 PM Report
Savannah: this is a beautiful poem. Especially if you have dealt with a loved one in a care facility.


Lady Dragonwyck
Comment By: FreePaul Peter McLean on August 28, 2004 03:38:57 PM Report
Wonderful poem SavanahB. You have captured excellently the feelings and emotions of someone tending a dying person. I love the details you give, which give the scenes you paint reality and depth, and make us really feel for both the characters in the poem. Well done.
Comment By: FreeZenith Elliott on August 26, 2004 09:25:05 PM Report
this is so heart warming and beautiful, excellent job, well deserved blue ribbon...~Z~
Comment By: FreeKaren Redd on August 7, 2004 07:11:50 PM Report
One of the most fascinating poems I've ever read, that definitely deserved an award. Fabulous yet so very sad. Yes, I've been there too. Excellent. Karen
Comment By: FreeWith pain comes strength on August 3, 2004 03:24:44 PM Report
This brought tears to my eyes, i know exactly what you are writing about here...
Well done
Nik
Comment By: FreeJeff on August 3, 2004 02:05:28 PM Report
Wonderful write!
Congratulations on the award.
Jeff
Comment By: FreeThe Bag Lady on August 3, 2004 01:28:45 PM Report
What a stirringly, beautiful work~!
I loved the contrast of you speaking to her, but staying in the moment....
A joy to read.....Congratulations on your Blue Ribbon Award....
Margaret...the Bag Lady
Comment By: FreeKatherine on August 3, 2004 02:14:19 AM Report
Very nice, poem. It was absolutely beautiful.

Comment By: FreeRichard Johnson on August 3, 2004 01:00:32 AM Report
Congratulations Savanah on the blue ribbon
Thunder Wolf
Comment By: FreeSue Tancheff on August 2, 2004 08:52:24 PM Report
Such a moving and beautifully written piece of writing. Your award is so very much deserved, congratulations.

Take care........Sue
Comment By: FreeBOB on August 2, 2004 04:32:46 PM Report
Wonderful write, congratulations on your award, Bob :)
Comment By: FreeMarian Mason on August 2, 2004 02:13:57 PM Report
You did and you have!!! Very Very well done. I just knew you had written a winner here. This is as I have said before such a beautiful touching poem, you fully deserve to have won your blue ribbon. Congratulations, what more can I say - I'm proud of you
Marian
Comment By: FreeMelissa on August 2, 2004 12:11:58 PM Report
Very wonderful write. Congrats on the well deserved ribbon for this amazing write.
Melissa
Comment By: FreeJames Lagoski on August 2, 2004 07:51:08 AM Report
Dear savannah-
The way you've took your questions from present
to past of this subjects memories was a
perfect balance-
I liked your description of the sights and sounds of a hospital in contrast to a beautiful mountain scene-
Excellent detail-
Best Wishes~
James
Comment By: FreeSusan Messmer on August 2, 2004 04:57:07 AM Report
Well deserved Savanah. Congratulations.
Susan
Comment By: FreeGay Johnson on August 1, 2004 11:44:23 PM Report
Congratulations Savanah on the blue ribbon.
Gentle Dove
Comment By: Freejoia on August 1, 2004 10:46:46 PM Report
Congratulations on the blue ribbon, definently a poem worthy of it. It will touch any who read it. joia
Comment By: FreeSusan Messmer on July 29, 2004 06:17:05 PM Report
Such devotion, caring and concern felt for this old woman. I'm moved deeply in many ways with no words for description......signs of an excellent write.
Wonderful job Savanah,
Susan
Comment By: Freeerma todd on July 29, 2004 01:27:03 PM Report
Beautiful write here from my new best friend Savanah. I'm from Arkansas. living in Chicago for 40 years and still a redneck and dam proud of it....Erma
Comment By: FreeMarian Mason on July 28, 2004 05:53:46 PM Report
This is a touching gentle poem. As a nurse I have often cared for people who are out chasing distant lands, then they come back for a fleeting moment not caring for what they see and return to their meanderings. Hide this under a rock if you dare!! I'd enter this one for your own blue ribbon.
Marian
Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on July 27, 2004 11:14:58 PM Report
A really fine write,Savanah.You have described the time of transition with caring expertise...len
Comment By: FreeGay Johnson on July 25, 2004 11:47:27 PM Report
Wow, This is wonderful.
Gentle Dove




 


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