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Author Name: Freedyoung 11 Comments
Date Added: August 19, 2004 13:08:23 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Bar Fight (*A Sonnet*)
Steady and confident, you stood just there.
The corners of your eyes tightened in rage.
I saw him flinch at the flame in your stare.
I saw your fists clench; prepared to engage.
Standing there, too, I watched in slow-motion.
The insult seemed like a lifetime ago.
Begging you not to start a commotion;
I shook with anger but wanted to go.
Silence now hung in the air like a weight.
People tensed in the smell of the danger.
I reached for you in my try to sedate.
Was I too late to dissuade your anger?
My friend, redeemer, protector, and dear;
With you by my side, I need never fear.
Author's Notes:
I tried taking a memory (true story of a time my girlfriend's date insulted me in a drunken stupor) and turning it into a sonnet. Not too sure it works in the story-format. Oh well...
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'Bar Fight (*A Sonnet*)' Copyright © Dori
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeAndrew on November 25, 2009 12:29:26 AM Report
i don't know much about sonnets - the rules and so forth - but i know a good story when i read one - and this is it - and true too?
Comment By: FreeS on May 1, 2007 04:47:07 PM Report
 nice, you got a bad ass protecting you

i wouldnt stand for it either !

Comment By: FreeCynthia Jones on January 21, 2007 10:23:14 AM Report
Congrats on your muchly deserved award. *S* Whispering Winds
Comment By: FreeJeff on January 17, 2007 03:31:39 PM Report
Dori, this is great~

Congratulations on the award.

Jeff

Comment By: FreeLady Literary on January 15, 2007 11:55:44 PM Report
Congrats on winning a featured.

Lit

 

Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on January 15, 2007 06:13:38 PM Report
Dori:  obviously it worked ----- congratulations on your Feature Poem Award.

 

Lady D

Comment By: FreeAdri on January 15, 2007 02:22:17 AM Report
Congratulations on the award!!!  What a enjoyable piece!  A sonnet in my book is always brilliant!  :o)
Adri x

Comment By: FreeGoliath Assassin on January 15, 2007 01:22:21 AM Report
Hahah!  "Fewest comments," my butt!  You got far more recognition on this poem than most of mine!  Don't get me wrong, it was clearly well-deserved.  Nice job on the award.  Maybe I'll find one of your poems on the "fewest reads" list that only got like one or two comments, and I'll be moved to spend a bit more time.  Until then, I got some more readin' to do.  PEACE!
Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on August 20, 2004 09:36:15 PM Report
Oh my gosh, girl, how you do build tension. This is very good. I could see every second of it. I was expecting a brawl and knowing it would be exciting. But big surprize! I got drama instead. It's wonderful. ML
Comment By: TrialAnn on August 19, 2004 09:41:24 PM Report
Modern day sonnets are part of the evolution of poetry. Using the vernacular of our lives makes it interesting and very real. Good job.
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on August 19, 2004 02:27:13 PM Report
DORI< THIS IS REALLY WONDERFUL POEM YOU DID REALLY WELL WITH THIS POEM..~SHE




 


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